Everything To Lose ( FreenxBecky)

Chapter 29

"It started one night when P'Mind and I were at a club, drinking into the night. And this woman approached me, said she thought I was really cute. And she kept touching my shoulder, my hair. AT first I was annoyed. But then we got talking and she was such a good listener."

"What were you telling her...?" Freen asked. Knowing what the answer could be but wanting to hear Becky say it anyway.

"About you, I talked about you and what you did to me. It was all pretty fresh then. Maybe a few months after I had left here." Becky said.

Freen nodded. Reaching for her glass to take a sip.

"Then the bar was going to shut, and she told me she really liked my company and she wanted to hear more about me and my life and that we should go back to her place... I went. P'Mind didn't want me to go, but I told her off and went anyway. I wanted a night of forgetting. And I'm not naive, I knew what this girl was going for. Somewhere deep down, I felt like I would be setting things right in the universe if I went ahead with whatever she was offering."

"So you had sex with her?" Freen asked, averting her eyes as she asked, not wanting Becky to see the tears beginning to form in her eyes. She couldn't make this about her. Becky was hurting. She had hurt Becky.

"I did. And it all felt good in that moment. But the minute it was over I felt like shit. I apologized and left. Came home, took a shower and hated that I had not even asked her her name. Or if I did, I couldn't remember it."

"Wait, so this is not Charlotte?"

"No, this was before Charlotte."

"Okay..."

"4 months later I was at a book store, and I bumped into this woman carrying too many books at once. She was an art teacher at a kindergarten. We started talking and exchanged numbers. And I was at a point in my life where I wanted to be open to the idea of seeing people. So when she asked me out. I said yes. We went out on a few dates and then we started sleeping together. That's when she picked up on the nightmares I used to have. I had to tell her about you eventually. I didn't take names but I had to explain to her why I was crying in my sleep, and why I almost screamed your name once when I came at the mercy of her fingers..."

"Becky..." Freen's voice stopped Becky in her rant.

It sounded choked, a strangled cry. Becky looked up from her hands to find Freen's face contorted as tears flowed down her cheeks.

Becky acted on impulse, she wound her arms around Freen and held her tight. "Shhhh, I'll stop. I'll stop na. We don't need to do this. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking..."

"No..." Freen tried to talk through the sobs threatening to choke her. "I need to hear this now. I need this. I need to know what I caused. And if it has to hurt me, I want to get it over with now..."

"No. I just realized how selfish of me this is. I didn't think about whether you wanted to hear all of this. Or whether you're ready to hear all of this..." Becky kissed over Freen's head multiple times, needing her racing heart and quick-paced breathing to come to normal.

Once Freen was calmer, Becky leaned in to kiss her lips, to assure her that none of it matters now. Now, they were here.

But Freen slowly pulled away and said, "I want you to finish telling me all of it now, Becky."

Becky looked at her, so unsure, so worried. But understanding her need to hear it all too. "I ended it with her after 3 months. It wasn't fair to her. I was broken. And she was taking care of me. And it felt wrong."

"Did you love her?" Freen asked.

"I had begun to care for her, yes. I could say I loved her..." Becky looked so unsure of how she was supposed to phrase this. She quickly said, "but it remains Freen, I've never loved anyone with the kind of intensity I've loved you. You were my everything."