You Could Never Be

Chapter 5

The Checkmate promotion got easier for Yeji and for the rest of the Itzy members. There were times when it got difficult again, especially when Yeji would see certain comments targeting a specific member. Even though only Yeji saw these comments directly, she understood that the other members would likely come across them as well, or some variation of them. Yeji wished she had the power to just make these comments disappear. She wished she can protect her members, and she wished that they only walked in a happy path. But she knew that wouldn't be reality.

Is this what parents feel when they have kids? How do they do it? I can't imagine how they manage this feeling of being in fear that your child is hurt or that someone else is hurting your child and you're not able to protect them. 

Little by little, Yeji had learned to worry less and redirect her energy and efforts toward encouraging and supporting her members instead. Since the first night of the practice room situation when she encountered Hyunjin, Yeji has felt more confident in providing support to her members. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why or how she gained this additional strength and confidence, but she was grateful for it.

"Who wants to watch Big Mouth tonight?" Lia asked the girls as they were finishing dinner. 

"Me! I'm excited to watch Lee Jong Suk oppa and Yoona-unnie in a show together," Yuna answered while getting up to get everyone's plates from the dining table. 

"I'm just excited to watch Yoona-unnie," Chaeryeong added so as not to let anyone forget that she is the biggest Girl's Generation fan. 

"I'm in," Ryujin said. "What about you, Yeddeong?"

"Um- I actually, -uh- have to go practice some dances again. Sorry, I won't be able to join this time." Yeji gave an apologetic look, but her heart was beating loud and fast because she was nervous the girls would question her going to practice this time. All the girls, stopped what they were doing and turned their heads towards Yeji.

"Again?" Chaeryeong asked. "Why have you been doing this every week for the past month?"

"Well, I've kind of been doing this for the past month- but to be exact, I've only gone three times so far. The first one was in the morning, and the past two were after dinner," Yeji babbled. "So, I think this will be my last one because it will be my fourth, which will make it a month!"

All the girls looked at Yeji as if she were growing a third eye on her face. "And why are you practicing so much?" Lia questioned. Yeji couldn't reply right away; she wasn't sure what to say. But she was pretty sure that her face was turning pink, feeling like she was being investigated for a crime she committed.

"I want to be a better dancer," Yeji answered shortly. Yep, I definitely sound like I'm lying. 

"Unnie, I know you always want to show a better version of you everyday. But you're going to practice at the same place, same day, and same time these past couple of weeks - what is going on?" Ryujin hit the jackpot. Ryujin added too many specific details in her question that Yeji was trapped.

"Yeji-unnie," Yuna sat beside her again after putting the dishes away. Yuna poked Yeji's nose and said, "Are you meeting a boy?" Yuna was beaming from ear to ear as she asked that. And if Yeji's face was a shade of pink earlier, it has now turned to a shade of tomato red.

Then all the girls started laughing. Wait- why are they laughing? Is it because they think it's true or because they don't? I'm so confused. What do I do?

Beep-beep. 

Yeji's phone vibrated on the table, and she panicked. The rest of the girls stopped laughing. In what felt like slow motion, Yeji reached for her phone, but Ryujin, who was across from her, somehow was quicker and grabbed the phone. Ryujin looked at the phone, her eyes widening a bit. Then she put the phone down before Lia and Chaeryeong, who were beside her, could see it.