Short Stories

Wanting To Stay In That Moment

I wish to stay in the moment with him. Stay together with one another and never let each other go. Just have my arms wrap around him. I don't want to face reality just quite yet. Being able to smell the way he does. It drives me crazy; gets me addicted to it. He gets me addicted to love; the way he holds me; the way he lightly traces his fingers up and down on my arm, leg, body; he traces over it while I have my eyes closed. I always get lost in it. Never wanting him to stop.

I'm afraid he'll see how truly broken I am when it comes to certain things. How I don't open up due to the fact I am scared he'll use it against me. Use my feelings as a way to point the blame on me. Scared that he'll do the same thing my family does; either drop it or turn into a lecture of how I need to act and feel. Scared that he will turn his back because he was simply done dealing with how I am as a person. The once bubbly happy girl from elementary/ middle school to a cautious depressed woman.

I have no reason to think that way but I do. I overthink too much and it'll lead to arguments that'll one day end up being the last one because he's done dealing with the sudden outbursts of sadness, anger; everything above. He would be done with it. Having to explain to Mama about it as she will point the finger at me and blame me for it because truly it was my fault and I should have done something else rather than pick a fight.

I would want to be in the back of a pick-up truck sitting on a mattress in the bed as we look up at the stares and find fascination with them. Being in each other's arms as we talk and talk for hours, laughing at one another because of what one said or because of their actions. I would want to stay in that moment forever. As I look at his face thinking of what our future would look like. A dream of a possibility.

Would we have a child; children and would we be good parents for them. Teach them what is right to wrong. What is good and bad. The possibilities of their dreams can go further than they expect it and to dream big instead of little. And if we do have a child would we have a boy or a girl. Would our child be a Mama's girl/boy or a Daddy's girl/ Father's son. Or would we have multiple kids. Would it be full of girls or boys or would it be mixed with the two genders. Or would we adopt our kids. Would they take care of us when we get older and unable to take care of ourselves?

Or would we not have any children and live a life with just us in it. Traveling through our life together. Having joys and adventures with one another, unable to tell stories to our child/ren. Would we have different opinions about children? One having a thought of starting a family while the other doesn't want to.

Taking a deep breath I rubbed my template as I shook the thought out of my head or at least tried to. It always comes back after a bit. Truly all I want is for him to have a good life whether it's with me or not. I would simply be on his side throughout everything even if he's not by my side. I do wish he would stay by my side forever. Be my infinity. Be the only one that I want in my life as a husband. Joke around with one another and play like children.

Be his wife and help him throughout everything imaginable with him and celebrity his victories with him; help him up from his failures. Explore life with the man I fell in love with when I first met him. Be able to dance in the rain with him, comfort each other when we are having a difficult day and/or night.