Alone

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TW: Mentions Death

Alone... Was the word I felt the most. Physically I am left in my room rotting on my bed with nothing to do but have my eyes trained on the white ceiling as my thoughts run in circles around my mind. That was the only word that was constants. Alone. I truly didn't have anyone by my side. Truly nobody. Everyone I once knew and felt safe and comfortable all left me in my own pity of darkness. My own hell. Mentally I felt like I was such a bother to others. Felt like I was only causing a problem with them rather than feeling like I was a part of something. I felt like I was in pain in every possible situation in the world and the solution to everything was to just disappear into nothingness.

Was I really a bother to people that they stopped talking to me? Was I really a problem to them? Was I too much to handle? Was I too sensitive to certain topics? Was I just a failure as a daughter, girlfriend, a friend. Was I always bound to humiliate myself even more on this earth? Was I bound to let that knife dance alongside me?

Just let Death's hands crease onto my pale white skin that doesn't get too much sunlight to even get a proper tan. His slender boney fingers danced on my face before letting his index finger boop the tip of my nose. The only company I have in a while. Death doesn't alway comfort; it can always torture you in many ways than one. It can leave you there helpless and wonder if you'll find peace with it. Teasing you with the idea of him. A simple kiss will do but it wasn't that simple.

The idea of Death always came into my mind but ran away quickly because I always rejected the idea of it. The idea of me dancing with Death. It wasn't my cup of tea, it wasn't the ideal of what I wanted in the world. It was tempting though. Whenever I was alone it always crept up in the back of my mind.

But now, the idea has plagued my mind like a disease. I wonder what it tastes like. How it felt to be the one dancing with Death. Was it cold, bitter with no love or was it warmth and calming that reminds you of home. I wonder how sharp its blade is and how deep it'll go. Deeper than the deep blue ocean?

Or am I just insane with the thoughts running around my messy mind whenever I am alone?

— Oliva Maximoff —

Last Edited: May 12, 2016 at 3:19 AM

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