Adam's Apple Pie

Fifteen - Showtime

And so the big day came of Hamlet's opening night. The first performance – of one! I peaked over the over the balcony down below, where the audience took their cheap plastic seats that had been laid out for them. I saw some people shivering and rubbing their arms as they sat down – not surprising seeing as this hall was freezing as all hell. Clearly heating was not in the Society's budget! I even heard some people complaining that the seats were uncomfortable, others complaining about the stage. Actually 'stage' would be a very loose description – it was just a few pieces of furniture in a space ahead of the crowd. It was the laziest attempt at creating a stage you could get. Of course, I don't think anyone was expecting National Theatre level production costs, but even I didn't imagine how awful this would look!

"Adam, keep back, the audience will see you!" Gavin barked.

"Sorry," I replied half-heartedly. I pulled my head back and looked across the rest of the cast, all gathered here. This was basically our 'dressing room', and honestly I felt a little uncomfortable changing with everyone. The idea was that we would walk down through the audience and up to the stage. Whether that was a stylistic choice on Gavin's part of just because of the layout of the hall that meant we had to do that, I wasn't sure. However, I had to admit that this was one of the few good ideas that Gavin had. I guess even a stopped clock had to be right sometimes.

I looked in a nearby mirror, that looked like it hadn't been cleaned in an eternity. In the few places where dirt hadn't permanently stained the polish glass, I saw myself in a suit and a red tie. One of the stupidest costume choices ever – I only needed orange skin and stupid hair and I would have looked like a certain former President (knowing Gavin, I wouldn't be surprised if that was what he was going for). As you could probably tell, our Hamlet was done in modern dress (seriously did ANYONE do Shakespeare plays in their original setting anymore?) and everyone was dressed in modern day stuff. Not really sure why, but I was only acting in the thing. I let out a deep sigh, thinking of a million things I could be doing instead of this.

A few minutes before opening, Gavin gathered us around and tried to do one of his usual pointless pep talks. "All right, everyone!" he said, "this is it. You've all worked very hard to get here and I am pleased with everyone one of you." He glanced across everyone, and I noticed when he met my eyes his smile faded, rising again when he looked away. "Anyway, do your best, have fun – you'll smash it I know!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw the grinning face of Richard right up close. He hadn't put a shirt on and it felt like he was trying to show off his chest and – lack of – stomach to me. "Do try and remember your lines, old chap," he said. "It's one thing to forget them in rehearsal, but this is the real deal now."

I faked a smile, although I'm sure even Richard could see through it. "I'll do my best," I replied.

"Actually, don't feel that you have to try too hard," Richard gleamed. "After all, they're coming to see me anyway."

"All right, people!" Gavin cried. "I'll go out and address the crowd and we'll get started."

Richard went away to do his weird warm up exercises that sounded like he was deep throating a frog, whilst he put his shirt on. I really couldn't be bothered with today – nor was I looking forward to it. I just wanted to get it over with and go home to feel sorry for myself. You knew things had to be bad when an actor wasn't looking forward to playing in Shakespeare. I was playing a role I would have killed for to play, I should have been more excited. Who wouldn't want to play one of the most devious and cunning villains in all of literature? He was up there with some of the greats – at least he would have been if Gavin hadn't forced me to play him as a whinny, bumbling idiot.