Adam's Apple Pie

Twenty - Fifth Session

"I mean, just..." I could barely get my words out. I had to take huge breaths in just to speak. "I just... just... what am I supposed to do? What more does this world want from me? What am I even on this Earth for? All I do is suffer, and suffer, and suffer. It's like, my entire life has been one big fuck up after another! I just don't know how much of this I can take anymore. What is my purpose? What am I really here for? I just want to know. I just want to know – that I matter. That I-"

Dr Eve let out a big yawn that caught me off guard. She was lying back on her chair, seemingly disinterested in what I was talking about. She was wearing what looked like red pyjamas. She moved a few times as if trying to make herself comfortable and then opened her eyes, looking towards me with a vacant expression. "I'm sorry, you were saying?"

"Uh," I stammered, trying to remember where I was. "I just... I want to know what I'm on this Earth for. I want to know that my life hasn't just been a waste of time. It just feels that I'm nothing more than a punching bag for other people's hang ups-"

Dr Eve yawned again, stretching her arms out as if just waking up from her morning sleep. I'd never seen her this disinterested in my situation and honestly, it was pissing me off!

"I'm sorry! Am I boring you?" I snapped.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Dr Eve said lethargically. "I'm just... so tired... so tired of it all."

"Tired?" I screeched.

"Aren't you tired?" Dr Eve yawned. She curled up on her chair, as if she'd rather go to sleep than listen to another second of me talking.

"You called me here!" I snapped back. "Why did you call me in so late anyway? It'll be dark when I get back."

Dr Eve yawned again, moving like a cat curling up to sleep. "So, what were you talking about?"

For the first time in our sessions, I wanted to run over there and slap her stupid face. Dr Eve was supposed to be the one I could turn to when I needed help. But even she seemed like she couldn't care less about me. "We're talking about how much my life is shit-"

Dr Eve yawned louder this time, as if trying to drown me out.

"Ok, what the actual fuck?" I bellowed. "What is your problem?"

"I'm tired," Dr Eve said. She sat up straight and looked at me, curled on her chair as if she were wrapped around it. "Tired... of listening to you."

I went silent, the red mist descending across my vision. Did I just hear her correctly? I had to be sure, even though my mind had already registered what her words meant. "What do you mean?"

"I'm just," Dr Eve said with a stretch, "so tired of hearing you moan all the time. Life is hard this, life is hard that, blah, blah, blah. It gets so exhausting hearing about other people's problems."

"You're supposed to be my therapist!" I shouted back. "You're supposed to help me out! That's what these sessions are for, aren't they?"

"How do you expect me to help you?" Dr Eve groaned. "You want me to tell you what you want to hear? That you're special? That you deserve all the happiness in the world? Maybe the problem isn't the world – it's YOU!"

I went quiet again, only managing a small squeak in reply.

"Let me tell you something, Adam. The world doesn't owe you anything. The reason everyone has a better life than you is simply because, well... they're better than you. You're just too weak. You expect everyone to help you out. But you can't expect people to just give you things. Life is hard, that's just the way it is. And it's just so tiring having to hear people like you moan all the time."

"So..." My voice was pretty much a whimper here, even I was shocked by how pathetic I sounded. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, Adam," Dr Eve said, closing her eyes as if about to fall asleep. "What will you do about it?"

I was getting sick of Dr Eve's cryptic bullshit. I slammed a hand on the side of my chair, leaning forward. "How about I just kill myself? Huh? Is that what I should do?"

Dr Eve took a breath as if snoring. "Maybe you should," she replied.

"You're seriously just telling me to go kill myself?" I screamed. "What kind of therapist are you?"

Dr Eve let out a light sigh. "It's just... so... tiring... everything... just being..."

The next thing that came from Dr Eve was heavy snoring. I narrowed my eyes, incredulous at how much she wasn't paying attention. Looked like my session ended early. I sat where I was, waiting for Dr Eve to say something else. But nothing came. I was alone in the room. Just me, a sleeping Dr Eve, and the giant statue that hung on the wall across the room. The lightbulbs flickered on and off in the office, didn't Dr Eve pay her electricity bill?

It was weird, but when the light came back on, it was almost as if the shadows on the statue were moving.

Dr Eve's snores cut through the silence and I realised we were done. I jumped up, running back to my car.