𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘; S.R.

01. can the killer in me tame the fire in you?

CHAPTER ONE
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I STARE INTO HIS COLD, dead eyes. My left hand continues to grip my gun for some sort of comfort. The smoke from my gun slowly begins to dissolve into nothing.

I can't breathe. I can't stop staring at him. He's dead. I killed him. Someone shakes me but I can't seem to escape this void reality. I've spent every day for the past six weeks trying to find the one responsible for destroying my life. Some part of me wishes I didn't. Some part of me wants me to stay in the unknown.

Now that I do know, I can't run from it anymore. The truth is right in front of me like the cold air that escapes my chapped lips.

There's physical, undying proof that will haunt me every day I live. Maybe the solution is to not live. To not breathe. To not think. To not feel anything ever again.

FOUR MONTHS EARLIER
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            THE TEAM AND I ARE SITTING on the jet, making our way back home after a case. Emily insisted that me, her and JJ play a game of poker. We decided to use peanuts instead of chips.

The rest of the team has gathered around to watch us play. Morgan is peering over Emily's shoulders across from me, Hotch and Rossi watch from the seats horizontal to us and Reid is peering over my shoulders from the seats behind me.

When I have the opportunity to use a genius in a game of poker, obviously I'm going to take it.

"Two?" I whisper nonchalantly.

Spencer tilts his head. "One. Full house. Jacks and Eights."

I nod, placing one card down and picking up another. I almost smile, noting the full house of jacks and eights in my hand.

After Emily and JJ exchange their cards, we all ponder on how many peanuts we're going to bet. I feel somewhat confident in my hand, pushing roughly ten peanuts to the center of the table. The other two match my bet, pushing theirs to the center as well.

As soon as we're ready, we all place our hands down simultaneously. Once their eyes land on my cards they both roll their eyes, pushing the pile of peanuts back to me.

"Full house. Very nice, Kasey." Rossi compliments.

I smile. "Why, thank you."

"Alright everyone, pack your stuff. We'll be landing shortly. Go home, get some sleep. See you all in the morning." Hotch announces.

I stand up, giving Spencer a fist bump on my way past him.

Once the plane lands, we all pack into two black SUV's that take us to the office. Just as we're all about to bid our goodbyes to one another, my phone rings.

"Hello?" I say into the phone.

"Virginia Fire Department, is this Kassidy O'Rourke?"

My face contorts. "Yes, this is her."

"I'm sorry to inform you ma'am but a gas main exploded and has left your house completely unsalvageable. Everything was destroyed. I'm very sorry to have to tell you this."

"Thank you." I say quickly and hang up the phone. Some of my friends gather around me.

"Who was that?" JJ asks in a motherly nature.

"My house is gone. Gas main exploded. I have no where to go." I announce with little to no emotion in my voice. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do.

JJ immediately wraps me in a hug for some comfort. "I would love to offer up my house but with Will and the kids there's no room. I'm so sorry, Kasey."

My eyes shift to Emily but before I could even ask her, I knew she couldn't take me in. Not with everything that just went on with her and Ian Doyle.

The very last person in the room meets my gaze. I can immediately see the empathy in his eyes.

"You can stay with me." Spencer offers.

I give him a smile, my arms engulfing him in a hug. "Thank you, Spencer," I release him from my grasp. "Oh, god. I don't have any clothes except for these. I have some serious shopping to do tomorrow."

Spencer and I make our way out of the office and to his apartment. The entire car ride was spent with me consistently thanking him and apologizing for taking up some of his space. He said he didn't mind. When he bought the apartment there was a guest bedroom there anyways.

We arrive at his apartment and he shows me to the guest bedroom. The wall is painted a beige crème color and the bed looks like it's never been slept in. Honestly, it probably hasn't.

"Glasses are in the cabinet above the sink in case you get thirsty. I'll be in my room if you need anything." Spencer says, giving me a tight lipped smile before heading out.

I place my bag on the desk and lay on the bed. There is no way I'm going to be able to sleep in my work clothes. This blazer is one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever put on my body.

Against every bone in my body, I make my way over to Spencer's room.

I knock on the door frame. "Hey, you don't happen to have any spare shirts do you? You know what, forget I asked. I.. will sleep just fine in my own clo—"

He interrupts me by walking over to his armoire and digging through it. He tosses me a blank gray v-neck shirt.

"Thanks." I try not to sound too awkward before going back to my room and changing.

I lay down more comfortably and turn the lights out for the night.

yay!

~c