To think I loved him...

Chapter four: Hate

I am seriously so fucking pissed. I told Allen to stay in a hotel for this week. I can't bother to see him. I picked up the kids from his mom's house this morning. They are now playing peacefully in the living room. I haven't even showered yet, I feel like a shitty mom for leaving my kids alone with him. It's already noon. I'm making them lunch. Wait... someone is at the door. I hear a knock and go to answer.
It's Emma, I don't say anything I just let her in. She hugged me tight, tears falling from her eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've kept my mouth shut." She sobbed. "What?! No I'm sorry I was an asshole, you're right he shouldn't be around my kids. But I still can't leave him." I replied, also sobbing. We wiped each other's tears and I told her to sit on the couch.  I introduced the kids to their aunt. Charlie loved Emma they played tea party upstairs. Lizzy liked her but she wanted to play monster trucks with Jack instead. I stayed in the kitchen cooking.
   Later in the night, after Emma left Allen came home. I heard more knocking and opened the door. Maybe Emma forgot something, I thought to myself. I opened it and got chills. Allen was leaning against the door with bruised knuckles and was clearly intoxicated. I gasped. He pushed me out of the way and stumbled to the fridge.
"Uh, kids go upstairs please." I looked at Lizzy. "Help them get to bed." She nodded and pushed the kids up the stairs. Allen didn't even look at me, he just grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat on the couch. "Oh my god! Allen I told you to stay at a hotel. I don't want you near my kids right now. Why are you here?" I raised my voice at him. "Ugh, t-the bar kicked me out." He giggled and took a sip of his beer. "They said I was getting aggressive with some- uhm this d-dude." He rolled his eyes. "Allen what the hell, you are drunk, and clearly not safe to be around right now. I thought we agreed you would quit drinking?" I let out in a stressed sigh. "Well maybe I wouldn't have been drinking if I could see my fucking kids! Ever think of that Eleanor?!" He yelled at me and stood up. He was wobbling side to side and walking towards me. "No get away I can't be near you right now." I said while stepping back.
He got visibly more and more angry. He threw his beer against the wall I was standing at and I ducked down. "Allen please stop, you are scaring me." I cried while sitting on the floor covering my face. He yanked me up by my arm and screamed in my face. "Stop fucking crying! I wouldn't have thrown anything if you weren't always complaining!" I flinched as he pushed me back to the floor. He was screaming profanities and throwing glass dishes, and breaking things. While he went to the cabinet, I turned and ran upstairs. I went to Jack, and Charlottes room. Lizzy was sitting on Charlie's bed with the kids comforting them.
"Mommy what's wrong with dad?" Jack asked. I wiped his tears and held his face. "Nothing he is just a bit upset, okay?" He nodded. I told them to follow me, and I led them to my bedroom closet. "Okay, babies I'll be right back, stay here." I walked to my bedroom door, locked it, and pushed a chair against it. I could hear Allen screaming and looking for me from downstairs. I moved the kids to my bed and they fell asleep after a few hours.
Allen was still screaming and started banging on the door but gave up after a while. I tried to assure myself that I was dramatic and it's my fault for letting him drink. I know that he gets like this and I could have stopped him.
  I didn't sleep until Allen became silent. In the morning I snuck out of my room and discovered Allen asleep on the couch, glass and mess everywhere, as well as alcohol spilled all over the walls and floor. Allen woke up and I tried to step back up the stairs quietly. "Good morning baby." He began talking to me in a sweet tone. "What happened?" His rugged voice came back. I stepped back down the stairs and tried to calm myself. "Good morning..." I said cautiously.  The rest of the day was a blur, I felt uneasy and called Allen's  mother to pick him up. I cleaned the house and dropped the kids off with my sister.