17. What if

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I've loved you.
I don't know if that would even mean anything to you.
If you'd say sorry for making my perfect warm-colored life so fucking blue.
I keep repeating to myself that "maybe if you knew",
while I'm perfectly aware that none of the things I'd modify about myself would ever change your point of view.
Among all the what ifs, my favorite is the one,
who puts me first and just for a moment convinces me that I've moved on.
"If he wanted to, he would."
Six easy words that remind me of how little I must mean to you,
that even saying hello takes up too much effort for you to do.

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