All the bad things {18+}

Dependency |22

Lomonosov's Pov...

I've wronged her,
I know............
It isn't something I'm proud of exactly, she and I....she's like chaff being blown away by the air, osomething I'm desperately grasping onto.

I feel a wave of regret as i do away with the last of her assets but now she truly has nothing but me to rely on. The cries of a baby alert me, I close my eyes.
Why did i think a baby would solve our problems?
I was the problem.

She didn't care for the child, she hated him. I wanted to hate her for hating him but i just couldn't. If anything is the root of all that was going on, it was me.
Perhaps i should let her go outside? What if she ran away?
.....This wasn't healthy, she was sick but I couldn't bring myself to let her go outside, so instead i put her on surveillance...just to make sure that she didn't do away with herself.

Her phone sits on my desk, i open it, going straight for the messages i had obsessed over for months.

MiMi🧸.

That was what he was saved as. Then there were my chats in her archives, Mr Lomonosov.
I wanted her to drop the formalities, it pained me every time she addressed me by my last name.
Why couldn't i have a funny nickname with a stupid emoji at it's side?

I turn off the phone and make my way upstairs after intercepting the food that was supposed to go up to her room. I needed her to get closer to me. No, to be obsessed with me just i have been with her ever since we got divorced.

I remember hearing her moans from the recordings that i had left in the rooms that she and that rat bastard lodged in. I wanted to be cause of those sweet moans but instead she demanded i drugged her before i could touch her.

I'm depraved i know......I wasn't going to let Mikhail's brother have a go at her...it was just to make her need me.
I open her room door, she doesn't stir. I stand still for a moment, fearing that she might be dead.
I move closer, seeing her body rise and fall made me realise she was sleeping.
I drop the dish and sit beside her, she looked hollow unlike the bright eyed and healthy skinned woman i met.
Back then, she couldn't be caught in a bad position but now? That's all she's lived in.

I walk into her closet, several clothes and other luxury items littered the shelves but after my movement ban, a lot of them sat forgotten.
Would've been collecting dust had it not been that we had people who came to clean.

I touch a dress, the silk material was pleasant. Apparently it was custom made, you couldn't just get this anywhere at a random.
I hear some rustling and i peak out but she's just standing in front of me.

"Why are you touching my things? Are you taking them away too?"
"No, i was wondering if we could go out."

There was a moment of silence. "No."

"What do you mean no?" I turn to face her fully. "Aren't you sick of being cooped up in here?"
"I am, but I'd rather continue than go anywhere with you."
"Well I'm not asking, wear this." I throw the silk fabric onto the island that doubled as a storage unit. "And these." I drop a pair of Rene heels beside it. "We leave by six. Don't test me."

I walk out of her room and straight into the nursery. Gretel was changing him.

"How far about the both of them?" I ask.
"She still can't stand him. She won't even breast feed. She'd rather pump."

"Isn't there anything you can do?" I pinch the bridge of my nose in annoyance.

"No sir, the hatred she has for this child stems from the hatred she harbours for you. If you want her to love this child, she has to also love you."

"Well, that seems easy enough." I retort sarcastically, blowing out air from my cheeks.

....................

The air is stiff around us. She keeps looking out the balcony.
"You're on a date with me and not the skyline."

No reply.
"Why'd you bring me out here if you wanted me to look at your face?"
"Point made." I pour a glass of wine. "I heard that you and Andrei still can't stay in the same room."

"Who'd want to be in the same room as a parasite?"
"Andrei is not a parasite."
"I'm guessing vampire is more fitting." She picks up her glass of wine and i grab it from her and fling it over the railing.
"Andrei is our son, yours and mine alike. He is not a fucking parasite and you are not allowed to address him as such."

"There he goes, placing sanctions on even my mouth."
"You know what?" I grab her purse and her hand. "Bringing you out here was really a bad idea, let's go."
She stumbles on her heels as she struggles to keep up with me.

"Stop dragging me like that, you're hurting me!" I turn a deaf ear to her pleas.
"Mr Lomonosov!" She cries out.

"Stop it!" I pause abruptly. "Stop it with the stupid formalities Eliana............it's Roman, just Roman to you. Lomonosov is our last name."

I lead her to the car.
The drive home is silent. "When is your birthday?" I ask. I barely knew anything about her.
"It was two months ago, the same as Andrei's."

"Oh....um."
"Stop it." She bites out. "Your conversing skills leave much to be desired."
"Sorry, I didn't grow up with a lot of friends."

"I grew up with none, it doesn't excuse mediocrity."
I turn my head to face my window. I catch a glimpse of a couple pushing a stroller, rosy cheeked and their faces filled with bright smiles.

"Why did you love Mikhail?" I grip the steering. My curiosity was getting the better of me.
She jolts at the mention of his name. Her hand clenches onto her dress. "What did it feel like?"

"He saw me for who i was........who ever that is." She swallows. "He didn't judge me.......he called me Ellie."

She blinks rapidly. "I know a pet name shouldn't be anything but, it was everything to me. Loving him felt freeing, the little moments felt like nothing i have ever experienced. The way he noticed whenever I'd change my perfume, knowing my period cycles....I'm being real here. I don't even know my own period cycles. Knowing what food i liked and taking it upon himself to learn how to make it.....it made me feel alive, I know what love is because of him."
She fiddles with her wedding ring.
"He prioritised me, defended me and was my first friend."

"I'll be your friend."
"You don't fit that mould Lomonosov."
"It's Roman."
"I've always called you Lomonosov, why the sudden change? It's what you demanded I address you as."
"Things change Ellie."

"Don't call me that, it's just Eliana to you." She says in a low whisper. "He's the only one allowed to call me that."
"Well he's dead." I turn to face her as the manor's gates come into view.

"Tch, whose fault is that?"
I feel something, it's too soft to be rage yet it makes it impossible for me to overlook the obvious. I've fallen for her, No...I'm obsessed with her.

"Eliana, i think....i think I'm in love with you. I'm sorry I can't be better."

"Love shouldn't hurt." She turns away.

It shouldn't now should it?