Dahlia Mountain

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Nathan hefted the last box into the back of the truck. "It's crazy that you lived here for over two years and this is seriously all your stuff" he said surveying my meager possessions. "Hey, at least you won't have to rent a truck, a car will do it. Do you have your trip planned out? I sorta feel like I may have rushed you too fast and I don't want you to find yourself in a jam. I just want you away from here. Somewhere you can forget me, okay?" He said. I looked at him, held his eyes for a moment and I knew in my heart of hearts that I was looking one last time for my Mountain in those eyes. I would always be looking for him and every time I found this weird friendly stranger instead I would die a little more. He was right I had to get away from this living death now. I should have left months ago. He smiled a small real and caring smile down at me expecting me to say something and I felt bile rising in my throat. This was going to be my last memory of the face of my life's great love. Tears ran hot down my face. Nathan backed up a step and gave me the same confused look he gave me anytime I cried. I broke then. I just let myself weep, it was all I could do. After a long moment Nathan spoke up over my sobs "Jo, will you be honest with me about something? Was I ever a bad man? Was I mean to you or abusive? Did I hurt you on purpose?" He asked, taking me off guard. "What, no! Why would you ask that!? I choked out. He looked away a moment and I could see he was conflicted. "Why?" I asked again tears still pooling in my eyes. "I just...I seem to like it when you cry. I mean (and his voice lowered here and he leaned into me) really like it. Often I dream of you naked, on your knees, crying and I wake up impossibly hard." I laughed despite myself and then I was sobbing in earnest. "Yeah, that was kinda our thing, I choked out." He furrowed his brow in question. As I was trying to stop crying and figure out a tactful way to answer him I noticed the small space between us had disappeared. He was pressed up against me, pushing me into the side of the truck, the monster between us growing and pressing painfully against my stomach. I shot my eyes back up to his. There was deep need playing behind his confusion. I chose my words "you already know we were incredibly in love and...you were always deliciously rough with me. We enjoyed walking the line between pleasure and pain. Do you understand?" I moved to wipe the tears from my face but Nathan caught my hand roughly, yanking it up above my head and pulling me up by it so I was standing on my tiptoes. He fisted his other hand into my hair and lowered his face to mine licking the tears from my cheek. "So... you liked crying for me?" He asked seeming unsure of himself his voice shaking and just above a whisper. "I lived for it." I quietly replied. He continued roughly licking along the tracks of my tears. He whispered against my cheek "You're so beautiful when you cry. I... I really think I need to hurt you." He shivered against me. What was I letting happen here? Sleeping with this not Nathan was not going to be any kind of a healing goodbye but there was no way my common sense was going to win this argument when there was even a chance I could feel him inside me one last time.

Fuck it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down to mine. I crushed my lips to his and it was so very little like a kiss from him that I almost pulled back. But then I was angry. I was angry at the universe and I was angry at him for breaking his promise. I heard his voice in my memory "I never lose what is mine little one." And then I was kissing him roughly. I tasted his blood, this stranger in my mouth. I grabbed for him and found him hard and massive against his pants. I squeezed down aggressively and he moaned into my mouth, tingles shot through me, now that sounded like Nathan. "Take me to bed now." I commanded. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on as he carried me upstairs. Our clothes were off by the time we hit the bed and then he was over me, hesitating. "How do I know how rough?" He asked. "As hard as you can Nathan." I answered. His eyes widened. "No, I would hurt you badly." He replied. "That's the fucking point Nathan!" I yelled before pushing him over onto his back and impaling myself down on him hard. I screamed out my rage and lifted myself up to slam back down onto him again and again. The pain was excruciating but it wasn't near enough to push out the pain of the last six months. I knew wholly that I wasn't going to find any pleasure on this stranger but I at least wanted the pain. I needed it. I fucking deserved to have at least this one goddamned thing. I was sobbing in anger, the rage robbing me of my pain. The man beneath me was watching me work, hands resting on my hips, his eyes half lidded in pleasure.