OPHELIA

Chapter 19: Forgive me not!

What a good day! Everyone was thrilled by my piano skills and unexpectedly, Ma’am Veronica took me shopping. My hands scrolled through the dresses and their fresh scent tickled my heart. It turned out I still had a thing for material possessions but who wouldn’t? Material possessions were just so possessive of one’s soul.

“Let me know if you see anything you like.” She said.
“Yes Ma.” Can I have it all? I like everything. I knew better not to muscle the ox that threshes the corn. But my eyes glued on a check blouse that resembled a t-shirts I’d seen Pastor Man wear. I lifted its sleeves…crap! The price tag was above average; it was too much to require from them.
“Do you like it?” She asked.
I shrugged. “Umm it’s too expensive.”
“Put it in the basket.”
I pursed my lips. But my cheeks betrayed me as they bundled upward. “Thank You.”

For the next two to three hours, we went from shop to shop till she was satisfied with what she got me—I think I was too greedy to be satisfied but I was grateful. Aside from music, dresses could strike fire and tears.

Somehow, as we drove past the trees and city buzz, the blue sky seemed to smile at me. Up until now, I didn’t realize the sky was so blue. Even Pastor Man’s house was more radiant—I noticed the flowers in the courtyard and the gate man.
“Ma, has there always been a gate man?”
“Yes but he was on leave. Why?”
“Nothing…just thinking.”

I took out the shopping bags and gazed at the gate man. I wondered why a young man of his caliber would choose such a line of work. But I knew best what life was capable of making someone do. At least he was a gate man for a good man.

“Heeey…” Rachael squealed as she hugged me. I rolled my eyes and wiggled out of her grasp.
“Show me what you bought…let me help you inside.” She took some of the bags. “I can help you display them in your closet and even pair them. I have a good sense of fashion.” She added briskly.

“I hope you’ve done everything I assigned you.” Ma’am Veronica asked.
“Yes Sister. Did you buy anything for me?”
“What for? You have more than enough.”
Rachael snorted and followed me to my room.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m going to help you pack of course.”
“You don’t have to.”
“But I want to and your opinion on this matter doesn’t count.”
“My opinion always counts in my life.”
She took out the clothes from the bags. “Chill; I’m just saying. Don’t be too serious. But I’m still angry at you though. You haven’t apologized for scolding me on Sunday.”
“You caused it. Why should I apologize?” I ceased the dresses from her hand.
“Because we are friends.” She ceased them from my hands and rushed to the wardrobe. “Yellow and brown is certainly a fashion do; you can wear this and this.” She lifted a brown jean trouser and a yellow top. “I have something similar to this; we can twin in it to commemorate our friendship.”

“Friends? You don’t even know me.”
“You came with my father so you must be trust worthy.”
“Are you always this naïve?”
“I’m not.” She flopped to the bed and looked at me so intently that I looked away.
“Then you should have known that I’m bad influence.”
“Because you tried to infect my father?”
My heart skipped a beat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You know. It’s written all over your face.”
“Stop touching my stuff.” I ceased my hand bag from her.
“So it’s true…You have AIDS and you wanted to infect my father… he has been very kind to you. Why would you go that far?”
“My affairs have nothing to do with you… get out of my room.”
“It’s just a question and I am entitled to any room in this house.”
“Are you daft? Get out! Before I infect you as well.”
“It’s bad to repay good with evil…” I didn’t wait for another lecture. I pulled her from the bed and pushed her out. “Easy…what’s your problem?” She retorted. But I shut the door and turned the key. I was more concerned about how she found out but it couldn’t hide forever. It’s a wonder how happy moments can be short lived.

“Go away.” I said when I heard a knock.
“Ophelia?” Shoot! It was Ma’am Veronica.
“Yes Ma I’m coming.”
I opened the door…”Sorry I thought it was someone else.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes Ma”
“Come to the living room.”

She sounded serious; I hoped Rachael hadn’t done something against me. But I preferred Rachael to whom I saw—that pastor or should I say that therapist. As soon as he saw me, he went on his knees.

“Ophelia… I’m sorry.” I wondered how Pastor Man was able to make him show up. I envisioned many times that perhaps if he apologized, I would forgive him but I tricked myself thinking that way. He looked even more hideous in his apologetic posture. The hatred I had was deeper than I thought.

“Is that how to beg?” I laughed hysterically and sat on the couch “My word! You came to beg me. To apologize yeah?”
“Now I know what I did was wrong…” He bowed his head.
“Now? What about then? You were a PASTOR; did. You. Not. knooow. you were wrong? Is that what your bible taught you? You came to beg…I remember how I begged…Uncle please stop…please…did you listen? You came to beg. Me?” I laughed. “You are very funny.”
“You gave me my ministry… and calling… Please…”
“You gave me HIV… Do you know how much blood is on my hands… how many families I destroyed because of you? You are just as responsible for those families as I am…I believe I don’t deserve forgiveness from God or myself and neither do you. I can’t give you forgiveness…well I can; if you will turn the hands of time and undo that day…” I pursed my lips… “You…You… I’m sure you think I don’t know it was you who pressured my mother to send me away with that Madame Veronica who turned me into a prostitute… look my guy, you can’t just walk in here and ask me to forgive you… even if I wanted to, I can’t… I just can’t. As a matter of fact, I will not forgive you.”

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