OPHELIA

Chapter 36: Trying to Die!

Third line therapy failed. That meant one thing—AIDS.

I stared at the ceiling bedazzled by the giant tungsten bulb installed in my room ever since I almost drowned—a week ago, give or take a day or two. I would have been glad if my life had more warm light shining through the numerous dark and cold corners.

It had been certified; my day of dying was near. When I wanted to die, death resented me; it pushed me away like a bad habit. Now, I want to live to feel the warmth of the people around me—but death pursued me like a dog returns to its vomit.

I heard Daniel’s laugh in the living room and his father laughing in return; it tore me to pieces how much longer I would be able to hear such melody. Dying in that river would have been better.

“God, why did you save me again?” I asked; it probably was a dumb question but I was sincere.

“Stop trying to die or I will let you die.”

I heard it as clear as a bang. It was God! I had goose bumps all over; I sprang from the bed.

“What do you mean?” I asked but I was more excited about his last statement than I was in hearing the next. I got to the living room; peaked from behind the corridor wall. I only saw Jacob.

“Jake! I just heard God.” I blurted.

He let go of the door knob. “Somebody’s all better.” He turned to me.

“O my…what happened?” I struggled to keep a straight face. His right eye was swollen.

“An evil wasp got me in the store room…What are you…don’t dare laugh.”

My lips couldn’t stop the laughter. “Who wouldn’t? Now you’re a one eyed ninja.” I giggled.

“To make matters worse, it’s itchy…What were you saying? What did you hear?”

“I heard God. I think. It was the most audible I’ve ever heard…it wasn’t me hearing myself right? It couldn’t be me…it was soo…”

“Majestic?” He leaned on the couch.

“Yeah…Majestic.”

“Lucky you; if I didn’t know better, I’d be jealous. What did he say?”

“That’s classified.”

He raised a brow. “Really? When you want to tell me, I’ll refuse to hear.” He fidgeted with his eyes.

“Perfect! Stop rubbing that eye.”

“Perfect?”

“Where’s mommy?”

“Ask Rachael…I’m not sure.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m asking you.”

“Ask me what?” Rachael pried sauntering into the living room. My heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t fear, it was resentment. It was okay to say I detested the sight of her.

“I’ll find her myself.” I said.

“She’s at the back.” Jacob said.

“Guy, stop pulling my legs. Thank you.” I stormed out before any one could give me a lecture.

Ma’am Veronica was spreading the laundry. Her sweat stricken face shimmered in the sun light. She smiled occasionally; I wondered why.

As I walked towards her, I realized she was with Pastor Man. My timing was bad. Good thing it was a blind corner; neither of us could see the other. I hurriedly retracted my steps.

“Ophelia…” Ma’am Veronica called. I startled. I didn’t think she’d noticed me. “Do you need something?”

“Good morning Mommy. I just wanted to ask a question.”

“Go on.” She said but I couldn’t speak, my vocal chords won’t let me; not while Pastor Man was present.

“What question is causing you to sweat like that?” She chuckled.

I cleared my throat…I don’t know if he knew I was uncomfortable but he went into the house.“Good morning Sir.” I tried to sound normal. But even the deaf would know I was faking it.

“Yes. Morning.” He said. My sweat dried up instantly like the woman with the issue of blood—It was a good sign right?

“Mommy?”

“Yes dear. Are you okay?” Her sincere look made me flushed.

“I’m… I have a question…I just heard God now and he said I should stop trying to die or he will let me die… so I’m confused why he would say that now because I wasn’t doing anything life threatening soo…” I stared hoping she would complete my sentence.

She stood a while. “Are you thinking it?”

“What?”

“Dying.”

I squirmed. “Every one dies one day…”

“But before that, you have pretty good number of years to live.” Her statement was laugh worthy.

“How is that possible?” I asked but heaven knew I felt she was mocking me.

“Got you! Entertaining the mindset of impossibility at this moment is trying to die.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Matthew 17:20 says if Ophelia has faith as little as mustard seeds, she will command a mountain to move from the ground and go into the sea and it will happen. A mountain is any situation that is troublesome. Sickness is a kind of mountain and if you speak to that mountain in faith, it will be removed. Why? Because when you have faith, you please God and when you please God, he is with you and where God is, all things are possible. God is stronger than your diagnosis. So, who do you believe; God or the sickness? Doubting God attracts bad luck—death is the biggest of bad lucks. Thinking about it is opening the door for the devil.”

“Oh okay…I think I understand. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Start living?”

“Living?”

“Living God’s kind of life…You have known His person, now you must know his principles. Think of it this way, if Jesus was in your shoes, will he be defeated? Definitely not… So, what would Jesus do in this situation? Think upon it.”

“Okay Mommy.”

“Have you shared this with Daddy?”

“No.”

“Why? You should. It will give you more understanding.”

About Daddy, I had been avoiding him all week. I dared not pass by anywhere he was. I didn’t know though what force played what trick on me—I was always thirsty when he was in the kitchen, bored when he was in the living room and when I wanted to talk to Jacob; he was seated at the front porch. Meal times where worse—thank God most Days he was on a fast and barely sat at the table for breakfast. But dinners, those were dreaded moments. I thought his eyes were stuck on my throat. Not that I saw them but I felt watched. I always choked—it was terrible. I was probably just paranoid but who wouldn’t be if they were in my shoes. I had no idea what stupidity made me jump into that river and what made him come after me. It was as though I’d taken advantage of his kind heart and endangered his life too many times. And now that he knew he was my uncle was he embarrassed by the kind of person I had become…I wished there was some way I could read his mind. I retired to my room but before my butt could hit the bed, Rachael said He sent for me.

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God bless you 😇. Jesus is Lord!!