Unintentional Subject - Book 1 In The Jessie Series

Chapter 17: A Loaded Gun

I had finally woken up and I had heard two deep voices talking beside my bed. Their voices were loud and it grated on my nerves. Their talking made my headache worse.

I peeled my eyelids open. Took me a few times to blink the fuzziness away. Newt and Minho sat beside my bed, deep in conversation. Now that I was awake and could see I listened to what they were saying.

I knew right away they were discussing me. And for whatever reason it made me angry. I could feel the burning in my chest. I didn't want people to talk about me or worry about me, because I didn't want to have to worry about others. It just meant I cared. It meant I was attached and meant I would get hurt.

What made me even more angry was that I was already worried. I saw the worry and exhaustion on Minho's face. He had bags under his eyes, he looked pale. His hair didn't have its usual swoop, like he showered and left. Newt looked about the same. Both looked haggard and tired. And I was angry that I was probably the cause of it.

Minho sighed and ran a hand through his damn hair. His hair was soft, and felt amazing between my fingers. No! No more!

"How...how do I help her when she views herself as a violent monster who thinks she's doesn't deserve anything good?"

You don't. You forget I exist. Move on and leave me.

"I don't know man. I really have no buggen' idea."

Newt looked so agitated. His deep frown and brown eyes were heavy with sadness.

"You don't. And you leave me the fuck alone."

My voice came out dry and raspy. My throat hurt. Probably from screaming and not drinking water. Both boys started and looked around. Their mouths dropped and eyes went wide. But I only watched the one. My eyes narrowed and my jaw clenched.

His eyes held a mix of relief worry and pity.
And I hated it. I didn't want pity. Pity was for the weak.

"Jessie! Shuck! How...what...?" Minho sputtered, I saw all his emotions flash across his face. Relief, then happiness then to worry and lastly anger. I watched his face harden.

"That was the stupidest thing you have ever done! Why the hell would you do something so reckless?"

"Minho! What the bloody hell?! Newt cried, "when I said be gentle this is NOT what I ment."

"Newt. Get out." I snarled.

"No."

"I wasn't asking your shucken permission." I growled.

I ground my teeth as I slowly rolled myself up onto my elbows and then pushed up to sit. Growling again I shifted to lean against the wall. Newt threw his hands into the air as he got up and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut. I sat silent, waiting.

Minho sat staring at me, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"You were saying?" I snarked. My throat still hurt, I needed water. But I wasn't going to get up. My body still felt feverish and exhausted, my muscles still felt the burning exhaustion, and my joints ached.

He narrowed his eyes and growled, but looked away.

"Oh, now you're silent?"

"Shut up Jessie. Do you have any idea how shucken scared I was? How worried Winston and Newt were?"

"Enlighten me. Because I didn't ask them to worry. I didn't ask them to care. That was their mistake. That was your mistake."

"You didn't have to make them do anything. For some shucked up reason we care about you!"