The Farmer's Son

Chapter 36 A Lotte You Didn't Know

"In the first years after I moved here, I avoided Noah," Judith said, voice barely above a whisper. "I wasn't looking to destroy the life he'd built, the life he'd chosen over one with me. I just...wanted to be near. I don't know, I can't really explain it," she frowned, closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly, setting her dangling earrings to jingling. "He was my first love, and I felt connected to him. I wasn't ready to give him up, even though he'd already given me up."

"I get it," Ray said, with a deep exhale. "Trust me, I do."

Opening her eyes, she looked at him with as much empathy as he felt for her. "I intended to work somewhere out of his sphere, and I did that, in the bookstore. But then one day, two years later, Lotte walked in with little Alan in hand. I remember the first time she saw me, the look on her face. I..."

Judith's breathing grew shallower, as if she were reliving the memory, and all the fear it brought. "It was like she'd been slapped in the face. I could see that she knew who I was, and I knew that Noah had told her everything, in so much detail that she could recognize me without ever having seen me before. And that was a slap in the face to me. Because he was never like that with me. That's when I knew that Noah really had made his choice."

She quieted, her voice and her breath, but her green irises glimmered with memory. "I thought that would be the last time I saw Lotte, but the next week she came back, and kept coming every Sunday for years. She befriended me like she didn't know who I was, introduced me to Alan, let me hold him, feed him, asked me to recommend books for him. But underneath, I knew what she was really doing."

Lifting her gaze to Ray, she smiled. "She was marking her territory. Never letting me forget that she was Noah's wife, and this was their son."

"Keep your enemies closer," Ray murmured.

Judith nodded.

"Why did you stay?"

"I had made a career here, a life, even some friends. I liked it here. Without me realizing, it had become home."

Ray couldn't help but laugh. "I'll drink to that."

Looking up at him across the table, she saw Ray smile and lift his drink. She smiled back and they toasted with a clink of glass and drank.

"I'm sorry," she said afterwards, shaking her head and giving a breathy chuckle. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I've never told anyone before."

"A lot of things that were never told before are coming out today," Ray murmured, sipping his drink again.

Judith looked at him, then away, then back. "Is it about Alan and his father? Did they argue again?"

Ray shifted in his seat. "Yes. But I don't think it's for me to—"

"It's alright. I won't ask you for details. I can guess what it was about. What it's always about."

Shifting in his seat again, he cleared his throat. "I, um, I have the books you gave Alan in the truck. I came to return them, since he, uh, won't be needing them anymore." He did not add that, after the scene in the living room, Alan had actually tossed the books into a pile on the porch.

"What?" Judith said, looking up at him with wide eyes. "He knew the books were from me? But then, why did he take them?"

"I don't know," Ray said honestly.

She lifted her glass to her lips, pensive about that, when Ray once more shifted in his seat.

"This might be totally inappropriate to ask..." he began.

"I think we're far past worrying about that," Judith said with a smile. Sitting back in her chair, she crossed her legs under her full-length skirt and adjusted the shawl around her shoulders. "Go ahead and ask."