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It was raining cats and dogs throughout the day, but Phoebe had no desire to meet Vernon. She felt that her day was so bad that she didn't want to see anyone. This afternoon, Phoebe visited her grandmother, who, unsurprisingly, did not remember her. Despite raising her since she was 5 years old, when she arrived at the nursing home, her grandmother questioned her presence.
"Halmeoni." (means Grandmother in English)
"Why do you always come here?"
Her grandmother chose to look at the sky and continued to talk about her deceased son. She repeatedly apologized to her son, leaving Phoebe confused. It meant that her grandmother was apologizing to her father.
"If you're happy there, Eomma (means Mom in English) is happy here. Eomma's solitude may hopefully redeem Eomma's sins. Be happy with your child and wife."
"Halmeoni, I am here. I haven't died yet."
"Who are you?"
That was the daily conversation between Phoebe and her grandmother. Phoebe explained her identity repeatedly, and her grandmother forgot it each time. While raising Phoebe, her grandmother never showed affection, only taking care of her without trying to get close to her, as if something had been hidden during their 15 years together.
Her grandmother never called her Phoebe; instead, she called her Jang Mi, her Korean name.
"Halmeoni, Jang Mi is tired."
Her grandmother turned to Phoebe, who was sitting beside her, gazing at the sky.
"Who are you?" her grandmother asked again.
"It's okay if you forget me, Halmeoni. I just want to tell you. I'm confused about what to do. My debts are piling up, I have to work alone, and the rent is still unpaid. I'm tired of living like this. I need you, Halmeoni, at least to be by my side."
"Halmeoni, how long will I live like this? How long will I pay off these seemingly endless family debts? How long will you not remember me?"
Her grandmother remained silent, staring at the sky.
"The sky is beautiful. I hope you're happy there with your child and wife. I will redeem my sins here."
"Halmeoni, stop! I want you to realize that I'm still here. I'm struggling alone for something I don't even know the origin of."
Phoebe cried in her grandmother's lap. Phoebe became the name written on the bank to repay family debts. She never knew what debt it was; she only received the debt notice on her 22nd birthday. When her grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, on that day, she learned that her family had a huge debt.
Debt collectors even forced her out of her house. Since then, her life has changed. Living with her grandmother was already difficult, and living alone while paying off debts made it even harder.
