𝙒𝘼𝙄𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙍𝙊𝙊𝙈 ᵒˢᶜᵃʳ ᵈⁱᵃᶻ

007 | heroes

ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯

2014, eighteen months
before Antonio left
"Mom?", I called out but got no response. This wasn't exactly unusual, but I still felt a chill going down my spine whenever it happened. "Mom, are you alright?"

A grumble came from the other side of the door, suggesting that she was still in her room. Antonio wouldn't be home for another two hours, so it was on me to at least get her out of the bed for dinner.

When mom got like this, it was hard to keep up. She usually stayed in her room the entire day, left everything at home to us and only got out of bed at night to crack open a bottle of wine. This state usually lasted three days up to two weeks and then hell broke lose. But this was only day one, so I had a puffer until she'd start watching every one of my steps like a hawk.

I slowly opened the door to her bedroom and as the light flooded inside, she groaned loudly. "Mom, do you need anything?"

"No, get out, please." Her voice was weak and brittle. She probably had a pounding headache and I suddenly felt bad for even going in. But the doctor had advised Tonio and me to push her when she got bad. To be understanding but not to let her rot, especially when there were things around the house that needed to get done. It was just that my mother hadn't gotten the memo.

Against my better judgment I went inside and pulled the curtains open. She made a screeching sound like a vampire and pulled the covers over her head. "Querida! Please, let mama sleep."

"You're not sleeping", I recited the words the doctor had said to her just a few weeks before. "You're tired, but you're not sleeping. And this is not helping. Come on, let's prepare some dinner for us and Tonio when he gets home."

"There's food in the fridge. I need to rest." She sounded more angry now, like I was disturbing her in the middle of the night. It was five pm.

I sighed and sat down on the side of the bed. She immediately turned towards me and put a gentle hand on my lap. "Aly, please. I can't right now."

"I know." My voice was hoarse from the tears that started building up. "But I need you."

"You don't, hijita. You're so mature. You always... I'm sorry for being such a bad mom."

"You're not a bad mom! You just... You need to get up now, come on."

She put her face on her pillow and screamed. "Aly, please, get out! I can't deal with this right now and you know it!"

I took a deep breath. Usually I would pester her some more, but today had already been draining. I didn't even attempt to tell her about the D I'd gotten in physics or that the allergy compliant meal had contained peanuts today. She didn't care, or at least she didn't have the energy to care. I knew it wasn't personal, the doctor had made sure we knew it wasn't, but sometimes it was hard not to feel like it was.

When I stepped back out into the hallway, I noticed the bags of dirty clothes next to the washing machine that needed to be put in, the piles of dirty dishes in the kitchen sink and the open fridge that was leaking melted ice. I sighed deeply. I also had a lot of homework to do, but looking at our home, it was either one or the other. If I wanted to get some rest in, that was. As though he could read my mind, my phone started dinging.

"Hey, everything alright?", Tonio asked, his voice already knowing it wasn't. But he was at work, probably not even allowed to be on his phone right now.

"Yeah, everything's good."

"Mom get out of bed?"

"Uh, yeah!", I lied, "She's just in the bathroom. We're gonna make dinner so you have something nice to come home to later." He was quiet for a while. He knew I was lying. I knew he knew.

"Do your homework first and then only what you can manage before I get home, alright? I'll do the rest." I didn't like the thought of him coming home from a ten hour shift and starting to repair the fridge or clean the kitchen. But I knew he would.

"I don't think mom has eaten anything today", I mumbled, quietly, like it was something I should be embarrassed of. I heard him sigh, but it wasn't a sigh of worry for her, but for me.

"Aly, don't worry about it. If she wants food, she can get some herself. Go do your homework, I'll check on mom later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Love you, bye."

"Bye." I hung up. With another look around, I decided that homework would have to wait.

I started the first load in the washing machine and then went on to clean the dishes. There were multiple piles in the sink already, but there were more all over the house. We were always kind of lazy with the cleaning, but when mom got bad, our house looked like it belonged to imbeciles.

I didn't know what to to about the fridge, so I just closed and left it for now. I put on some music to make the time go by faster.

I didn't even notice how long I spent cleaning the house until the front door clicked and opened. Antonio came in, his duffel over his shoulder, looking like he was ready to jump into bed. He cocked his head to the side and glared when he saw me.

"Your homework done?"

"I'll do it later." He sighed, put his bag down and came between me and the sink, so I couldn't keep rinsing the plates. He had a scolding expression on his face, but instead of putting it into words, he pulled me into a hug. I basically melted into his arms. He wasn't usually this big on physical touch.

"Mom get out of bed?", he asked into my neck and I shook my head. He wasn't surprised. He let me go again and looked around.

"You did good. Come on, do your work. School's important."

"That why you dropped out?" He rolled his eyes.

"That was different. You and mom needed me, I didn't have the time to graduate on the side. But you do and you shouldn't waste the opportunity." His face softened when he realized the harshness of his tone. "Do you need help?"

I looked to the side, embarrassed. "It's just... we have this difficult topic in math right now and everyone seems to understand it except for me. I'm always to embarrassed to ask."

"Never be embarrassed to ask questions", Tonio scolded and pulled me towards the couch. "We'll do it together. Ask me anything you want."

I smiled at him and nodded. "Okay."

"And change that damn music. What is that shit?"

"What- that's Bowie!"

"I don't give a flying fuck. If you want me to do math, I'm gonna need some Pac or something."

"Fine. But never disrespect Bowie in my presence again."

He chuckled. "Alright."