𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈 everyone knows who she is. Worldwide model, covered in many vogue magazines, walked catwalks, and runaway. But people don't know what happens behind the curtains. Despite the many scandals that have plagued her reputation...
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The past few days felt like a routine.
Like I was so out of touch with my life that I was just witnessing it, not living it. I started to detach myself from everyone. Maybe if they hated me, this all would be so easy.
My brother was leaving hundreds of messages for me to come visit, Elijah was calling but they all went to voicemail anyways. The girls were on my ass asking me what's wrong, and although I knew that I was beginning to worry everyone, I couldn't be bothered to care.
I want to die.
I think there's always been moments where I wanted to die but i've never really realized it except for now, and now that I have, i've stopped realizing life entirely.
I am so tired. So fucking tired. The girls kept forwarding me pictures from Camilla, but I think the fight left my body completely. Lucas would make hurtful comments, I would ignore or just nod, Travis would make jokes and I would be fully zoned out, Chloe and Bella would gossip with me and it felt like I was watching paint dry.
The only thrill I would get is when I would sneak off at the end of the night to go snort cocaine.
I sit on the cold school rooftop, smoking a cigarette, which I hated but it was the buzz that kept me going. "You going to jump?" Lucas clears his throat, sitting beside me on the edge. I look down to wear my feet we're swinging. "Maybe." I shrug handing him the cigarette which he puts out.
He hummed in response. "The girls know?" He asks and I shake my head before letting out a shaky sigh. "I don't want to let them down more than I already have." I sniff before continuing, "Im already a burden on their shoulders, don't want to add more on their plate."
"You told this to your therapist?" He asks. "She knows just about the same as any other person." I say, "Just what I put on my socials, and what I say when I go to her while i'm drunk."
"And Theo?" He asks, rubbing the salt on a wound In still trying to figure out if I should open. "He would be heart broken." I say. "And would you do that to him?" He asks, looking at me as the wind gusts gently.
"I think there will be a point in my life where I can't take it anymore." I look at him, "Where I will be selfish." I say before chuckling, "Like you would care." I say looking back at the trees.
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, and my eyes started to sting with hot tears. It's like my body felt the pain my brain couldn't process. I put my face down, covering them with my hands as I begin to softly cry.
I feel a hand touch mine, and Lucas pries my hands off my face and pulls me closer to him. "You have been selfish for way too long in your life to do this to people." He says and I look up at him through tears. I choke back a sob and put my head on his shoulder and he stiffens. "Please just push me off." I say my face scrunching, "I just want to die."
