On the track of my mind (M.V)

Part 21 // "Everything alright?"

Max (the night before)

She walked out of the car, practically ran inside the hotel en took the stairs to her room. I tried to run after her, but she was gone before I knew it. 

I shouldn't have talked to her that way on the streets, I shouldn't have pulled her to the side begin with. I shouldn't mess with her head like that. Grabbing her hand and then talking about PR again. I went to Daniels room and opened his mini fridge.

"Easy Max, what's wrong?" he asked as I drank little bottles of some liquor that burned my throat in just the right way. "I keep fucking it up with Jules and I don't wanna hurt her anymore." I confessed. Daniel didn't answer, he just sat next to me. "I wish I could hate her, but you were right. There's nothing wrong with her and when she's mad at me I even think it's kinda hot." I went on, the words spilling out before I could think about what I was saying.

But it was the truth and another truth was that she would never feel the same, that she would go crazy if she knew. She couldn't know, so I had to forget. By drinking everything that contained alcohol and whine to Daniel about my situation. 

Jules (the night before)

I opened my mini fridge for water and sighed as I saw that none was left. This evening was the worst I've ever had in my entire life. But maybe I was exaggerating just a bit.

But still, his hand grabbing mine and the fact that I didn't even mind it. It was all I could think about. I wanted him to kiss me. And I also still hate his guts. When he grabbed my hand, I thought that maybe we shared the same complicated feelings.

Because maybe when I got flustered each time I saw him it was not because I hated him. Every time that my heart started beating faster maybe it was because I liked him. Even though he didn't like me, he always cared about me. He made sure I was alright and safe. He made me laugh and loosen up in uncomfortable situations. He could annoy the shit out of me, but somehow I liked it. I liked the way we fought. I loved his blue eyes. I hated rumors about him being with some model and I secretly loved reading the ones about us. I loved him in a suit and tie. I admired the way he cared about his career and the people working with him. He didn't want to dissapoint anyone and always did his very best. I should've known before that if I had these thoughts about him, I didn't hate him. I liked him a lot more than I gave away and I wanted to.

I closed the stupid fridge and tried to forget everything that happened, tried to forget him. I got up and left my room to get new waterbottles. I walked through the empty hallway and grabbed three new ones. Happy that I didn't bump into anyone I returned to my room. 

"Oh no." I whispered as I searched my pockets for my keycard. I sank to ground as I realized I forget them inside. "Shit." I repeated a few times. I was too tired for this. I had to go down in my pyjamas, which were a very loose top and a pair of sweatpants. If the paparazzi saw that and took pictures Alice would murder me. Or I would do it myself.

I wanted to go to Yuki, but he was probably already sleeping. I didn't want to go to Max and Daniel would probably be with Max.

"Everything alright?" I suddenly heard. I almost jumped at the deep voice that I immediately recognized. I looked up and stared right into two sad, blue eyes. He looked like he cried. "I'm fine." I told him. To my suprise he sat down next to me. "You've told me that a lot." he said and I smelled the alcohol in his breath. "Jezus, did you drink the entire mini bar?" I asked him as I moved away from him. "Something like that." he casually said as if it was the most normal thing for him and I to sit in the hallway in our pyjamas.

I tried to steady my breathing but it was harder than I hoped. He didn't move and for a second I thought he passed out while sitting, because he really smelled like he drank his entire minibar.

"I'm sorry about tonight." he said. "Why?" I asked. "I said stupid stuff, I did stupid things." he started. "But I didn't tell you what I really felt and I didn't do what I wanted to do." he continued. "I wanted to tell you, but it's just so scary." he went on. "Max-" I stopped him. "-what do you mean?" I asked. "I've never felt this way before, Lavigne." he confessed. I felt my face heat up, but tried to not enjoy this too much. I knew Max and I knew how he was a master at ruining the moment.

"You're not gonna tell me?" he suddenly asked as if forgotten what he just said. I closed my eyes and wished for him to dissapear and stop messing with my head. "I got locked out." I answered. He chuckled and even as I hit him with my ellebow he didn't stop silently laughing. "You think your door is gonna open itself if you just keep sitting here?" he asked me. "What other options do I have?" I asked him annoyed. "Go get your spare card downstairs." Max suggested as if I was stupid. His ego grew even more when he drank.

"I don't want pictures of this-" I pointed to my pyjama and messy hair. "-on the internet." I explained. "Who sais the paparazzi is even here this late?" he said. "Who sais only paparazzi can get photos of me?" I shot back. He just raised his eyebrows and I watched him get up and take the elevator down. I took a few breaths wishing I just asked him instead of bickering again.

I waited and waited until I heard the 'ping'  of the elevator again. I wathed Max get out and walk the other way. "What are you-" I started as I got up and ran after him. He turned around and when I saw him from up close I realized what a mess he was. "Wow." he said. "I just walked the wrong way." he went on. "Ok, maybe you should go to bed." I said as I guided him though the hallway. 

"I got your card." he said smiling as he showed the card. I took it and put it in my pocket. "Thanks Max." I said. He was so drunk and I couldn't believe he let that happen in a weekend. "Where's your room?" I asked. He just laughed a little. "You're so worried." he said. "Who's fault could that be?" I whispered. "Hey, I got your card and now I can go to my room myself." he told me as he stopped walking. "Fine. Go." I said as I let him go. He looked at me for a second and then walked off again. I watched him until his body dissapeared into a room. 

After he did dissapear I realized that maybe I did liked his company in the hallway.

...

Max (back to presentà

I waited in the lobby with my bags next to me for Daniel, Yuki and Jules. I couldn't remember when I decided to call her Jules instead of Lavigne. I also didn't get why I felt so comfortable around her. I admitted to myself that I liked her and it made being around her a lot easier. 

Last night was, something. Although I still didn't recall everything, I wasn't as hungover as this morning. I could handle alcohol, but drinking during the weekend was so stupid and I promised myself to never do it again. It was unprofessional and if Christian, my dad, basically anyone knew, they would kill me. Or worse, fire me.

I heard someone laugh and based off of the way I suddenly felt lighter, I knew who it was. I turned around to see Yuki and Jules walking out of the elevator. I tried not to stare, failed miserably and just greeted them with a half hand shake-half hug. I also tried to ignore the feeling in my stomach as I touched Jules' hand again, failed miserably and just prayed that these feelings would pass.

I couldn't look at her anymore without feeling the need to touch her or hear her giggles. How was it possible to feel this way about anyone? I never thought that a woman would be able to make me feel like that. To make me think the things I thought and dream the things I dreamed. Last month I would've called you crazy if you told me that I felt this way about her. 

Maybe hate and love were difficult to keep apart. Atleast for a moron like me.

...

I don't have a lot to say except thank you for reading.

Please vote and comment.

I'm very excited to keep writing this :)

See you next chapter!

xxx