Defile Me

nineteen: return of the virgin

"YEAH, SO WHAT'D I MISS?"

She slammed her locker shut, flicking her long blonde her over her slender shoulder, her lips all twisted and ready to tell me everything I missed out on, not a single detail to leave out.

I didn't listen.

I merely asked her because I knew she'd go on and on about it anyway. It's what she did, most times I felt that her profession was spreading gossip rather than party planning.

In the background of my thoughts she was going on and on about a scandal between two teachers who were already married, — not to each other — and something else about the new student I recently had an encounter with, I vividly remember her.

To focus on today of all days was hard. Last night, my father badgered me, he asked questions about my whereabouts and even more as to why I missed school.

He was hysterical, unhinged even. He was so angry with me, disappointed. In his words, I was changing.

Attendance was something that I had kept up leading all the way back to pre-school. One missed day apparently fucked all that up.

I didn't bother lying to him. I knew the outcome would be horrible; he'd sense it with how my nose twitches or how I stroke my hair when I lie.

I told him vague details: 'Hung out with someone. Skipped school.' That basically summed everything up and also got me five minutes of silence on his end.

The skipping school part wasn't intentional, as I said, it was a vague explanation. I couldn't really just say I overslept outside with his rival's son and decided to just not go to school.

He just told me he'd 'finish the conversation with me later', and as in later, he means after school, he wasn't going to let me get away with being tardy too.

Aside from my dad, Cole was another thing I couldn't manage to stop thinking about. Seeing him in the halls was the least of my worries but him confronting me was something that made me want to drop to the ground and isolate myself.

I couldn't face him. Burying myself in tubs of ice cream wasn't much help either.

"Hello? I said what happened."

I shook my head, "sorry what? I was out of it."

She laughed, "I can see that." Mel leaned aimlessly against the doorframe of her next class. "What happened with you and Cole? You still haven't told me.. give me the deets! Everyone saw what a trainwreck you were at the party."

I internally cringed at the word.. deets.

"Oh. Yeah." I rubbed my forehead, I was preparing myself for the headache I'd get from her. I could already see how this was going to play out; she won't stop talking to me about it, telling me how it was probably nothing, only to make me doubt myself.

I sighed, stalling in hopes of the bell to ring. "Cole and I are on break.. or whatever that means."

Her eyes almost popped out of her socket. Her hand grasped my wrist in a state of shock, "oh my gosh, what? I mean I heard about it but had no idea it was true, and you weren't answering my calls or texts yesterda—"