Queen of Nothing

18. aftermath

I knew that the rumors would spread like wildfire of the great Cole and Mahi breakup. If Cole hadn't told anyone, my appearance at school would have given it away. 

I hadn't slept in two days, my hair was a mess, and the only thing I could muster wardrobe wise was a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. When I'd caught my reflection in the rearview mirror, I almost veered off the road at the sight. 

The girl in that mirror was not me. She had fangs instead of teeth, blood red eyes, a forked tongue, and slits where her nose should have been. I blinked, and then my own reflection returned, Mahi, but just tired. The bags under my eyes had gotten even more prominent and purple, evidence of how exhausted I was. 

I pulled into the parking lot, and thought about keeling over in my seat. Instead, I gripped my coffee and drew myself out of the car with a sense of doom, and walked straight into the locker area. 

Katie spotted me immediately, "Hey." 

"Hey," I whispered back, "how bad is it?" 

"You're beautiful," she insisted. 

I gave her a pointed look. 

"Okay fine, you look like you forgot to sleep for like a week. But that's okay. You went through something tough, right?" 

I felt eyes on me, and as I turned, the whole hallways attention zoning in on me. I saw the pointed glares, the ensuing whispers. 

She got dumped. 

God she looks awful. 

What a fraud, am I right? 

I wanted to melt into the ground. 

Zara spotted me in the hallway too, then spun on her heel and walked the other way. 

"What's her deal," I mumbled. Katie shrugged, and I turned to close my locker. 

I just have to get through today, I told myself, I just have to survive six more hours. I've done worse, right? 

Then, I spotted something truly horrific. It was Cole, waiting by Lily's locker, thumbs shoved into his pockets. Lily stood in front of him, that bow in her hair moving like silk, her eyes all bright and full of adoration. 

He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. My heart seized in my chest, and I felt the tears burn at the back of my eyes. 

Had he ever looked at me like that? Had he ever touched me with that kind of softness? He always grabbed me, gripped at me, ducked me into janitor's closets for make out sessions, like a dirty little secret. I mistook it for passion, told myself that we had tension that kept things interesting. It never occurred to me that I was just a body to him. 

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat. "Mahi-" Katie started. 

Then Cole's hand slid down Lily's neck, her shoulder, then her elbow, before he interlocked his fingers with her. I shook my head, then turned to Katie. "I can't do it." 

"Ignore them," she murmured, "they're not real. You are." 

"I can't," I whispered, "I can't." 

"You can," she emphasized, "you're Mahi fucking Dasari. When was the last time you backed down from a challenge?" 

I turned, and watched as Cole pulled Lily closer. 

"Today." I whispered, before turning to flee. 

I heard Katie try to call out after me, but I rushed out of the common area, ignoring the scrutiny, the pointing, the weird stares. I didn't have it in me to be Queen today. I just couldn't.