Secretive Sister

one

tuesday, august 15th, 2023

y/n pov:
"fuck packing is completely impossible" i mutter under my breath as i stare at the mess surrounding me. my clothes are strewn all over the floor, meanwhile my suitcase (which is entirely too small) is 100% empty. i rake my fingers through my hair and sigh loudly. rubbing my eyes, i slowly get up from the ground and go into my bathroom. i glance in the mirror and see the bags under my eyes are nearing a violet color and my hair is a snarled mess. i hunt around for my phone and glance at the time.

2:17 am

damn it. i was supposed to finish packing by 1 at the latest because my flight out of nashville leaves at 9, meaning i have to leave for the airport around 6:30 to make it on time. i resign myself to a night of little to no sleep, and quickly decide to hop into the shower for a refresher.

as i shed my clothing, i glance in the mirror again and frown as i see my body. having grown up being known as 'taylor swifts ugly sister' i've had my fair share of self-hatred and mental health problems. on my 16th birthday taylor had me out to new york city and threw me a party. when she made a post featuring pictures of me, the comments absolutely tore me apart. they called me hideous and fat. some even went as far as to say i could take notes from 2014 taylor.

publicly, to taylor and all of my surrogate sisters (taylor's friends) i pretended to be unbothered, but privately the comments sat on replay in my brain. as soon as i stepped back into nashville after that i vowed to change.

i started wearing baggier clothing, went out and bought a bunch of makeup, joined a gym, and started counting calories.

fast forward to now, i've lost nearly 25 pounds and let's just say it's not been the healthiest journey. i haven't told anyone about this, out of fear of being stopped, but i developed an eating disorder. i often lie about eating and skip whole days without food. it started out as a wish to lose weight but it's grown from there to an obsession i no longer control.

shaking myself out of my mental examination, i turn on the water and jump into the shower.

after about 10 minutes, i exit the bathroom feeling a little better. i open spotify and start playing my taylor playlist. it takes me another 2 hours but i finally pack everything i think i need. taylor promised to take me out shopping once i arrived so i basically only packed my favorites. opening my phone, i stop the music and check the time.

4:30 am

rubbing my eyes, i crawl into my bed, determined to savor my remaining hour and a half of sleep time.

beep beep beep beep

i groan and open my eyes as i see the time as 6 am. shit. that felt like a millisecond of sleep. i roll out of bed, fighting off a wave of dizziness. doing some mental math i realize its been like 40 hours since i ate something. oops.

i change into a men's xl sweatshirt and a pair of nike sweats. i put my hair up in a messy bun and apply a little mascara. then i brush my teeth and double check i have everything. i walk to the door with my things, and turn around.

it's so surreal to think this is goodbye to my childhood bedroom. i know i will be back to visit and stuff but it really is the end of a huge chapter of my life. i soak in the moment and then flip the light switch and walk downstairs.

i enter the kitchen and see my parents, scott and andrea, both nursing cups of coffee.

"goodmorning baby!" mom says with a soft smile and sad eyes.

"morning sleepyhead" dad says laughing a little.

i walk over to them and pull them both into a big hug. "good-morning!" i pause and then continue, "i love you guys, thank you for this." my mom squeezes my back as my dad pulls away to give me a forehead kiss.