I stood up with wobbly feet and walked to my room. Closing the door with a soft sound, I stripped myself naked.
A soft mellow music was being played in the house next door. My mind blurry, my eyes hazy with tears maybe, I don't know. Nothing felt right at that moment. A continuous ringing in my ears and a throbbing head, made me feel lost.
I pulled out the unfinished alcohol bottle, that was under my bed. A cold wind blew in through the open window. It was trying to give me company. A bitter smile played in the corner of my lips, as goosebumps rose throughout my body. A tingle in my lower belly, in excitement of what was going to happen in the next moment.
I grabbed my packet of cigarettes and the lighter along with the bottle as I entered the bathroom.
I placed them down on the border of my bath tub and turned open the tap to fill the tub. Squeezing some shower gel into it, I dipped my cold body into the luke warm water.
Unscrewing the bottle, I chugged a little bit of the brown liquid, letting it burn my dry, scratched throat. I lit a cigarette and took a long drag, releasing the smoke in the form of a ring. I giggled and attached my lips to open bottle and chugging down the rest of the contents in the bottle.
A moth had entered the space, getting attracted by the yellow light that lit the room. I watched the way it tried to fly out of the space, as if the room was some kind of cage and it had got trapped in it, by mistake. It kept on fluttering it's wings and a rhythmic beating sound was heard when it touched the glass of the closed window.
I was similar to the moth. Trapped in this earthly figurine of what everyone called a human. It was a mistake. I was a mistake. I had learnt this fact, long back when I was five. I tried ending myself so many times but, it either didn't work out or I was a coward to do the needful. A bitter smile played on the corners of my lips. I was a coward. I raised the empty bottle and admired it under the dim light. Striking it against wall, I broke it.
Using the borders of the tub I tried standing up, but my soapy hands made me lose my grip. I occupied the same position in the tub, with a thud.
I stood up with a effort and picked up a broken triangular glass piece. The alcohol was doing its magic. My head buzzed under its influence. I admired the shard under the light while sitting back down in the tub and positioned the shard on my upper arm, slitting it once, and then twice, and then thrice. My arm continued the action, until a warm hand hugged me. My eyes were too hazy to understand the person in front of me, but a strawberry and vanilla scent had filled the restroom.
"I'm sorry," a female voice whispered in my ear. "I shouldn't have left you," she continued. My upper arm was profusely bleeding and her warm hand that was engulfing me, made the slits burn. I wasn't in my right mind to decode whatever was happening.The past few hours were like a dream, more like a nightmare. I closed my eyes nuzzling my face into that girl's neck. She stroked through my hair.
Suddenly everything turned in to a mist, blowing away through the crack in the window. A bitter sweet smile played at the corners of my lips. I scoffed at the obscure figures that had formed before me. "She ain't coming back, dumbass," I scolded myself. Sliding down a bit against the cold bath tub, I rested my heavy buzzing head on the wall behind. A mellow music filled the entire room. The volume varied from time to time, but I was unable to comprehend whether the volume was being adjusted or was it my ears that were tricking me. I closed my eyes, feeling the cuts burn in the soapy liquid that occupied the space in the tub.
"I am sorry for being such a failure." I sighed and squeezed my eyes to let out the last water drop that was threatening my lower eye lid, to slide down my cheek. The tear dropped down to the corner of my lips and salty liquid seeped in, through its small opening. The voices in my head had stopped, I don't know when, but it did. It was eerily quiet, except the mellow music that traveled in through the windows.
My entire body felt numb. My hands and legs weren't mine as if. I couldn't pick them up on my own will. I gave up and slid down even lower. The water level reached till my upper lips. My nose and eyes were still in the air. The strong alcohol stench had filled the room, and it was making me nauseous. Funny isn't it? I chuckled at my thoughts and how my body was reacting to the surrounding.
Suddenly the sound of the door creaking open, followed by a gasp gathered my attention, making me look up at the door, but I couldn't make out who it was.That was the last thing that I heard and saw before I closed my eyes, for good.
