Half of You

Nothing But Pain - Chapter One*

Footsteps jolt me out of my restless sleep, and the morning sun stings my eyes as it leaks through the mouth of the cave. I'm not sure what time it is, but judging by the damp air and standing water in the surrounding area, the storm has came and went.

I see my mother's legs first, then her tired face as she kneels on the ground to peer inside of my hideout. Her eyes are bloodshot, and her voice hoarse as she speaks. "Thea.." Her words trail off as her gaze falls to the space between my neck and shoulder. I know without looking that bruises have formed, a dull throbbing that I'm barely aware of reminding me of my injuries from the day previous.

It's nothing compared to the shattered bond that shrinks and stretches in my chest with every inhale, making each breath sharp. It's nothing compared to the raw fire that tore through me yesterday.

"I think it's time to get up now." Her eyes move back up to mine. She sweeps the hair fraying out of her braid back with a single hand, before rubbing her face. While her voice is gentle, it contains a force that I recognize right away. It's a tone that she used too many times on Lyon and I as we grew up. It tells me that she will not let me lay here and rot, as much as I may want to.

I've waited my whole life to meet my mate, only to be rejected within minutes of realizing who he is. Still, she expects me to stand tall and face the world anyway.

"I cannot face them." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes before I can get the last word out. I don't think I can bear to face the shame of being rejected by Matias. Word will have definitely spread by now. Gossip travels fast among wolves, and there were so many there. So many were watching. It's as if I can still feel their eyes on me now.

I do not want to think of the embarrassment that will now follow our family, a bloodline once known for not only our prowess in battle, but our honorable spirits too. I wish I had an ounce of the courage and power that any of my family before me did. But the simple fact is that I'm not my mother or father who fought in the war, and I'm not my grandparents who helped our pack settle unsafe lands before that.

I think the power in our blood ran out after Lyon. It certainly skipped me.

"So you won't. Not yet. Food waits at home, there is much we should talk about." The last thing I want to do is discuss anything that happened. Thinking back on it only makes the pain rise in intensity. Her tone once again gives me the sense that she's not asking.

"Here, cover up." She holds her hand out and father gives her a thick blue blanket, darker in some spots from bloodstains. It's folded to where the few rips it has can't be seen.

It's my blanket from the changing, laid on the ground to give me some cushion against the earth as the wolf clawed her way into the world. Despite how hard it was, the changing is a fond memory for me. Not that I would want to go back and do it again.

Taking the blanket from her hand, I wrap myself up, making sure nothing is showing before emerging from the cave. Mud squelches between my toes.

It's early in the morning, the birds are just now rising from their slumber to greet the day with their whistling melodies. I squint my eyes at the beaming light until they adjust, and I notice that every detail of this morning forest is crisp and clear as could be. Mom said it's normal for my senses to become stronger over time, especially as they're honed through training.

"I'm sorry for all of this. I couldn't control her," I feel the need to fill the silence that has grown as my parents begin leading the way back home. It's only a few minutes before we're back on a familiar footpath, one that I've walked many times growing up, and many more since.

"Apologize for your lack of control when facing Matias, certainly. Do not, however, apologize for your rejection. For that, you bear no guilt." It's my father that speaks to me this time. His voice is quiet underneath the sounds of our footsteps.