Half of You

BONUS TIDBIT - Blame

Kaya (946 Words)

The fire burns low to the ground, like it hasn’t been fed in many hours. The coals are still just barely red - the wood greedily burning up the last little bit of fuel that’s there. His back is to me, but I know that he knows I’m here. He has to. He tips the bottle in his hand up to his mouth; it’s not beer like normal. A scent in the air clues me in that it’s whiskey.

“Do you ever regret rejecting him?” His words are slightly slurred together. This will be his last sober moment for the night. There is just a slight buzzing to the forest, a thousand fireflies decorating the landscape.

My mouth is caught between fully open and closed. He’s never asked what I felt about either one of them. He’s broken our script.

“I would change everything. She should be giving birth to my pup, not his.” He continues without my answer but I give it anyway. He takes another sip that’s longer than the last.

“I would have left Larson that day.” I say. For these last months I wished Larson had never met his mate. So I could always be his. But I also realized that the wolf would have been permanently discontent, for all of our time. I will carry that on my soul until I meet the Moon.

Now there is nothing that can be fixed between us, and the wolf and I don’t talk. I thought that I could make her accept him.

Only a fool would reject their mate for another wolf. And Larson’s no fool.

But I am.

“You should have.” His voice holds an edge that makes me question if it’s the alcohol, or on purpose. I grind my teeth in the back of my mouth.

“We both should have done a lot of things, but we didn’t.” He’s aggravating me. The alcohol usually makes him antagonistic, but not in this way. Normally he’s looking for a different kind of release.

“Yeah, but if you wouldn’t have rejected Payne, Thea wouldn’t have ever marked him. Would have never even thought about it.” That’s the detail he gets hung up on the most. She marked him.

I laugh.

“And if you hadn’t rejected her, she would have never left in the first place. All because you couldn’t stop seeing your dead sister when you looked at her.” I don’t care how deep I’ve cut. How can he place the blame on me when our situations are so similar?

He stiffens in his seat, silent. I didn’t know he had the capability to shut up.

“Do you think she would have just given you another chance? Especially after what your mother did to hers? After what you did?” I want him to hurt. He’s an arrogant fuck.

“At least I’m not the whore who’s been passed from Alpha to Alpha her whole life.” It’s his turn to laugh. Whore is the word the elders use to describe me when they think I’m outside of hearing distance. Never once has it been said so blatantly in my face.

I don’t balk. I’ve heard it many times - back in Larson’s pack and more here. Most didn’t know who I was right away, but once the word spread, it’s like a cloud follows over me any time I am around anyone. Most aren’t blatantly rude, but the females are the worst. I can feel them staring at me long after I look away. Constantly.

“Now that I think of it, at least I didn’t have to watch him mark her.” He’s laughing at my misery, doubling over in his seat. I wish I had never told him that detail. Now I am the one who is silent.

He can talk about the bond, Payne, or call me a whore all day long. I was born with the bond, but Larson and I grew our love. Crafted it carefully throughout time. I thought I would die with him at my side.

I remember that day, bleeding on the forest floor, hurting so badly I couldn’t tell which bones were broken and which weren’t. I didn’t realize I had lost to her until it was too late. She didn’t bend to my blows like the females there did in training. She took them all and kept coming.

Larson just said, please stop. He said it so many times until she looked over at him, and screamed at him to make her.

He didn’t move a muscle in my defense.

Once I had no more fight left, she pulled my hair back, teeth bared in my face. She told me to watch, that I didn’t want to miss this.

She made her way over to him, pushing his head to the side with a sharpened claw. For just a moment his eyes and mine locked together, and I understood what was going to happen.

He moaned for her, a distinct sound I’d never heard him make before. And I spent a lot of time trying to make him make every sound possible. I was helpless to do anything but watch the blood flow down his neck, his eyes roll back in his head.

All of the times I wanted to mark him and he never allowed it. Yet he turned his neck to the side for her like it was the easiest thing he’d ever done.

Cheater.