Half of You

Violets - 3 & 4 - Payne

Chapters Three & Four - Payne's POV

I make sure I'm as far away from the pack house as possible. When father told me he had gotten word from one of the scouts that the escort of vehicles had entered our territory, I left.

I don't even have to ask anymore; they know why I don't want to be here when everyone shows up. It's hard for me and even harder for the wolf. My heart bleeds, but I have to make sure the pack doesn't know it. It's our duty to them.. so I stay away. They deserve to celebrate.

Tuxe and Boe stare up at me, their innocent eyes and ears having heard so many confessions from me in these past few years. I drop some hay down for them. They start eating right away, like they didn't already have a pile when I showed up.

This year, I have nothing to say. I've voiced every hurt, every pain that bites through my chest. Every moment leading up to her and every one since. No matter what I say, the pain is always there, like a guest who's overstayed their welcome.

By now, they're probably all here, each new wolf settling into their life. Those who didn't find what they search for will slip away to sulk - not that I blame them. I looked forward to meeting my mate just as much as anyone. I imagine walking away empty-handed year after year is almost as hard as being outright rejected - but there is something specific about this pain. It eats all of your joy, your energy.

It changes who you are as a person, and I've done my best not to let it cripple me.

All of the rabbits greet me the same, eyes bright, faces twitching in anticipation of a meal or a treat. I go down the line one by one, making sure they have everything they need. Water, hay, bedding. The stalls are clean, so it will probably be whoever cares for them in the morning that will have to sweep them out.

Once I know there's nothing else I can do, I go around to everyone else. The cows are fine, so are the goats, and the chickens. Nobody missed their assigned tasks for today.. that's a first.

I try to estimate how much time has passed; I'm thinking that dinner should be soon. I just need to wait enough time where everyone has mostly dispersed for the night.

I make sure that the shed is shut tightly. Last time it wasn't it rained inside and ruined the feed and bales of hay. None of it could be salvaged.

All of the animals are content, and that's good enough for me. Hopefully by now, everyone has spread out from the pack house. I won't have to hear all of the introductions and excitement, or force a smile to my face for the sake of everyone else. Not yet.

I turn on the faucet and splash my face and hair with water, rinsing away the little bit of sweat I worked up.

The sounds of the animals grow quiet as I walk back to the main road that connects to the den. I hear a few murmuring voices in the distance, but I do my best to ignore them.

I've reached the crossroads when the breeze shifts, bringing with it the scent of violets that cling low to the ground and a future storm. The wolf is instantly at attention, breathing out and inhaling even deeper. There's something about this scent that borders on addictive.

I can't move. A memory hits; the smell of the sea and faint coconut. The bond pushes in on my chest, it's hard to breathe.

He tells me right where the scent is coming from. The lake. It takes all of my persistence to keep him from commandeering my body and pushing me ahead.

I breathe in again - waiting for a male clinging to that scent, a sign that this female has been claimed. Something to make the wolf will turn his nose away. There is nothing, and that makes no sense.