Abide

Unshakable

Lord,
If I'm honest...
I don't know how You're going to pull me out of this mess.

This mess of grief, anger, sorrow.
This pile and puddle of doubt.

You say Your plans for me are good.
You and I have different meanings of the word.

I do not feel good.
My circumstance doesn't look good.
Nothing about this screams good to me.

But I know You love me.
Please love me in my struggle,
As I wrestle with what it means when You say,
"The plans I have for you are good."

Don't let the enemy wiggle in and tell me
It won't actually be good.
It won't actually bring you any source of joy
Or fulfillment.
Enjoy this grief, it will stay.
This is the God you serve.
This is His good.
Are you sure this is what you want?

Lord
These are lies from the pits of hell.
But I can't fool you,
I've wondered what kind of God
Loves me, yet let's me cry out in agony.
What kind of God allows this suffering.

Show me Your goodness in the middle of my doubt.
I know You are faithful to reveal Your nature and Your character to me.
You can handle my doubt.
You can handle my fear.
You can handle my anger.
My distrust.
My skepticism.

Because at the end of the day,
The reality is You do love me.
Enough so that You died for me—
No one else has ever loved me that much.
No one else has even come close.

I don't know why You do what You do,
But You are not a liar.
So if You say Your plans for me are good,
God wrestle that truth out with me until I'm bruised and bloody, until I can confidently say
You are good.
So good.
Break my unbelief,
Crush my doubt.
Give me a faith that survives through the night.

A faith unshakable.