Where You Lead

Part 3

Numb. Completely and totally numb. That's the only way to describe how I felt as I stood in a cemetery, knowing that I'd never see my best friend again. I was completely wrapped up in my own head, I barely noticed that everyone left and I was the only person still standing there.

I'm not sure how long I stood there before I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Rory, it's time to go" my mom said softly.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do now" I said...or whispered. It was probably more like a whisper.

"You grieve" she said. "You let yourself fall apart, and you take the time that you need. And if you need help, ask for it. It's ok for you to not be ok right now, and it's ok for you to need help"

I went home to a quiet house. Sophie was at daycare. I stood in the entryway and just looked around for a minute.That was my first time at the house since leaving to go to Stars Hollow. The same things I'd seen every day for years made me want to cry. Logan's shoes under the little bench that was next to the door, his sunglasses on the little table, his jacket on the coatrack.

I went upstairs to find Winston curled up on our bed, with his head on Logan's pillow. I sat down next to him, on the edge of the bed and he moved his head to my lap. "I know, buddy. I miss him too"

I ended up falling asleep and when I woke up, I heard arguing downstairs. I wasn't sure exactly who was there, but I could identify my mom's voice and there were at least 2 other people.

"Absolutely not!" My mom said.

"With all due respect, it's not your decision to make. It's Rory's". Maybe Finn...I wasn't sure.

"Her husband died less than a week ago and you actually think she's gonna want to talk to the person who's responsible for that?" That was definitely Paris.

At that point I'd heard enough and went downstairs to find my mom, Finn, Paris, and Colin. "Do I want to know why all of you are here?"

"Probably not" Paris said.

"Steve Murphy wants to speak with you" Colin said. "He wants to apologize"

"No" I said. Just hearing the name made my blood boil.

"Rory..." Finn said.

"Logan is dead. I held his hand while he took his last breath. I have to somehow explain to our not even two year old that she'll never see her dad again. She's gonna grow up without her father, and the lunatic who killed him wants to apologize? For what? Shooting my husband because he was high and paranoid and just happened to have a gun on him? Screw that, he can live with the guilt". The only time I had any interest in seeing the man who walked into a toy store with a gun was in court. Logan was on his way to the airport so he could join us in Stars Hollow and he wanted to get a surprise for Sophie. That was the last thing I heard from him. "The only time I ever wanna see that man is in a courtroom"

"Ok" Finn said. "I'll pass the message along"

"Are you ok?" Mom asked

"I buried my husband this morning. Nothing's ok"

Nobody said anything. There was nothing to say.

"Alright" I sighed. "I have to go get Sophie. You guys can stay if you want"

"Do you want me to pick her up for you?" Mom asked. 

"No"

——

Getting ready for bed that night felt surreal. Logan was gone but his stuff wasn't. His clothes were still in our closet, his toothbrush was still next to mine, a copy of the San Francisco Chronicle was still on his bedside table. The only thing missing was Logan. I left the room and went into Sophie's that was just across the hall. I stood in the doorway and just watched her. This little girl just lost her father and she didn't even know...and she wouldn't remember him.