IN HER SHADOW (Oli Sykes Fan Fiction) COMPLETE

7. Nothing Serious.

[OLI]

After being subject to a solid ten minutes of selfies with Hannah, I went back to the guys for a break. Matt was getting up to leave, despite us only having been at the club for an hour or so. "Where the fuck are you going?" Jordan asked him.
"To meet a fucking hot girl at the hotel." he said with zero reservations.
"Really? What about Hailie? Here I was thinking you'd just bang her every day." Jordan said.
"I already had her today." he chuckled. He infuriated me. He was such a fucking piece of shit. I could see exactly how this whole situation was going to go and Hailie was going to end up hurt. She didn't fucking deserve that.
"What? When?" one of the guys asked.
"At the show. Got a blowie in the dressing room." he said with enthusiasm, like he was so fucking proud of it. "First dick she's ever had in her mouth. She was gagging and her eyes were watering... not the best but, hey, I won't complain." he laughed. "Just gotta talk her into anal now and I'll have completely destroyed her." he scoffed. He absolutely infuriated me.
"What the fuck is your problem? Why can't you just leave her alone?" I snapped. He just saw her as a toy, as a trophy, as something to claim. He was a fucking asshole.
"Cus she's easy and will give me anything I want." he scoffed. "Anyway, I'm off. See you tomorrow." he said as he got up and left. I wanted to fucking punch him.

I was so fucking annoyed. I wanted to tell Hannah what Matt was doing, but I don't know... she didn't seem to care that Hailie was involved with him. I couldn't see her anywhere anyway, but I spotted Hailie sitting by herself at a table across the other side of the room. I felt so fucking bad for her knowing what Matt was saying about her but Hannah had told me to stay out of it. I didn't need to cause dramas in our relationship by getting involved. God I wished Hailie would figure it out though. I decided to go and talk to her, thinking that maybe I could at least kind of tell her that he wasn't a good guy or something.

"Hey Oli!" she said happily as I approached. "If you've come to see where Matt is, he went back to the hotel because he was feeling a bit sick. I offered to go with him but he said he just wanted to sleep." she explained. Ugh. She had no idea that he'd lied straight to her face, that he had gone there to fuck someone else. I hated being stuck in the middle of it. I sat down opposite her and didn't even know what to fucking say.
"And Hannah just went to the ladies if you're looking for her." she then said.
"No, I uh, I just came to see how you're doing." I replied. She looked happy and I knew it was because of Matt, even if it were all a big fucking joke to him.
"I'm good." she told me. "You know... I really like Matt." she said to me with this bright and happy yet shy smile. I could see it from a mile away that she already had feelings for him, not that it was surprising given he was the first person to show her attention - and the first person she'd ever been intimate with. "Imagine how much we can hang out if I'm dating your friend!" she stated. Oh God. Dating? Matt was never going to date her. What the hell was I supposed to say to her though? I didn't want to absolutely crush her.
"Well, just... don't get too attached, OK? Guys can be assholes, especially famous ones in bands." I said.
"You would know." she chuckled. Yeah, I really fucking would.

I tried to tell Hannah what I'd heard that night, avoiding repeating the horrific things he'd actually said, but telling her that he was disrespecting her and that he was never going to be into her the way she was into him. She brushed it off though, saying that she 'needs to make her own mistakes' and that we shouldn't interfere. I honestly wondered how Hannah could be so blasé about it all... if Hailie were my sister, I'd be keeping Matt away from her at all costs. I mean, I already wanted to and I didn't even know her that well. There was no point in arguing with Hannah about it though, so I just left it and hoped Hailie would figure it out for herself sooner rather than later so she didn't get even more hurt.

- - - - - - - - - -

The next day, we were getting back on the bus to go to Scotland, which involved yet another ferry. "Matt!" I called out as he boarded the bus, hoping he would sit with me. I wanted to see how he was feeling since I hadn't seen him at breakfast.
"Hey..." he said as he got closer. "I'm gonna get my own seat - so I can sleep." he said. I guess maybe he still wasn't feeling good, and I understood if he wanted space to sleep.
"Oh OK. No problem. Are you feeling better?" I asked. He frowned at me for a second, then smiled.
"Oh yeah, much better, thanks, just a bit tired still." he said as he moved up the aisle to the back of the bus. I wish he would have sat with me since we didn't spend much time together the night before, but I didn't want to get in his way.

When we got to the hotel, I asked if he wanted to have lunch with me but he said he had to 'do some work'. What work did he even have? I felt like he was avoiding me and it was really weird, but I just went to my room and forgot about it by watching TV. I decided I would go out for a walk a couple of hours later and I wanted to ask him to come with me, hoping he'd maybe hold my hand, so I went to his room and knocked. He answered shirtless and my body immediately got a little bit excited.
"Hey... um, I'm going to go out for a walk. Do you want to come?" I asked. His expression told me that he didn't want to before he even said anything. "Uh, I still have some stuff to do." he said unconvincingly. I didn't know why he was avoiding me.
"Have I done something wrong?" I asked. There was no point in dancing around it or trying to sugar coat it. I knew something was up.
"No... you've done nothing wrong, I just... come in and we'll talk." he said, suddenly opening the door to me. I felt sick in my stomach.

I stood in front of the chair in his room and he just stood there looking at me for a second.
"Look, I do like you, Hailie, but I don't want you to get too attached to me. I'm not looking for anything serious and I don't want you to get the wrong idea." he explained. I felt my chest tighten. "It's not because you're not great, I just don't want to be in a relationship with anyone." he stated. I felt so rejected, like I wasn't good enough.
"I still want to have fun with you though... you still turn me on like nobody else." he said as he grabbed my waist and pulled me toward him. I felt really sad... the fantasies I'd had of getting to date a rock star just like Hannah did evaporated in that moment, the dreams of someone loving me the way Oli loved my sister went away in the blink of an eye. At least he was still attracted to me though I guess.
"Hey... don't be sad. I still really like you... you're so hot." he said as he kissed my chest through my shirt.
"Do you really like me though or are you just saying that?" I asked. I felt really confused by what he was saying... he liked me, but didn't want something serious? How did that make sense?
"I do. I really like you, I swear." he said. "Can I show you how much I like you?" he asked as he started undoing the button on my jeans. I wanted him too much to say no, so I didn't.

He bent me over the chair and fucked me again, harder than he had the first time we did it, slapping my bum and digging his fingers into my hips. It hurt a bit, but the actual sex felt better this time, though I still didn't have an orgasm. He came after just a few minutes then re-dressed almost as soon as it was over. I was so confused about everything.
"So, are we just friends or... are we something else?" I asked, wondering what the hell you would even call what we were doing.
"We could be fuck buddies?" he asked. "Friends who have sex." he suggested. I didn't really want that because I wasn't that interested in the sex part of a relationship, but I said OK and started to find my clothes to re-dress.
"I have to go and meet some friends, but I'll see you tonight." he said as he quickly vacated his room, leaving me there alone. I didn't know what to think. 

I was devastated that Matt didn't want anything serious... I genuinely thought he liked me in a way that meant he wanted to date me or maybe be in a relationship once we'd gotten to know each other better. Maybe he was just too busy, maybe when he was off the tour he would have more time for me? I guess fuck buddies was OK for a while, until he was ready.

I went out for my walk around the town, just around the area where the hotel was and even though it was pretty and sunny, I felt sad. More than than though, I felt lonely. That wasn't anything new, but I felt more alone than usual as I walked around by myself.