As Green As Her Eyes

Chapter 20: Hers

It's been three days but Scarlett's words still weigh heavy in my head. She's trying to lock it in with me. She wants us to be in a relationship. The thought both warms my heart and terrifies me. Of course I would love to be in an exclusive relationship with her. We act like a couple most of the time anyway despite having established that we aren't together like that. I guess what scares me is the thought that if we don't work out, Scarlett and I aren't the only ones that would be heartbroken. Rose and Cosmo would be affected too.

I sigh. I like Scarlett. I'm already falling in love with her, if I'm being honest, even if I'm afraid to feel it most of the time. Emotionally, I think I'm ready for a relationship. I know I've only recently gotten out of a long-term one and a part of me is still grieving what I had with my ex, but I still feel ready. Does that make sense? And is that okay? I'm grieving the future we could have had, but I don't miss her and I'm ready to move on. I hope that's understandable. Anyway...

Apart from my thoughts of Scarlett, another thing is circling my mind. The exhibit. When I was there, I realized that I didn't miss it. I like showcasing my work, of course, but I don't miss hosting. And I certainly don't miss getting anxious about whether or not people like my pieces enough to buy them. Not that I've had any problem so far. I've been fortunate enough to be able to create pieces that I love that people resonate with. Pieces that make people look and want to own. The whole process still wracks my nerves though.

Being in the show made me realize how much I didn't want to go through that again. Maybe once or twice if I'm desperate, but I've been loving teaching Rose more than anything. I loved teaching Lizzie. The experience got me thinking...

"I want to teach," I tell Mom that evening.

She brightens. "That is a wonderful idea, honey."

"I haven't figured out all the details yet but I'm certain it's what I want to do."

"Does this mean you won't be taking commissions anymore?"

"I still will," I reply. "But I want to focus on teaching, on sharing my skills and my passion, and helping people translate their feelings and imaginations into art."

My mom claps in excitement before pulling me into a hug, just as happy that I've found my calling.

We spend the rest of the evening talking about logistics and by midnight, I've come up with a temporary plan.

The following day, Scarlett and I go out on a date. We're in a quiet restaurant for lunch when I tell her all about my epiphany.

"So, you're getting your own place?" she asks.

"Yes. It'll be easier if I rent or maybe own an apartment. I can transform one of the rooms into a studio slash classroom. And besides, as much as I love being home, I think it's time for me to move out again."

"Are your parents okay with that? You've been away for a long time after all, and now you're planning on leaving again."

My heart skips at Scarlett's thoughtfulness. Of course she would think about how my parents would feel. "They're fine with it as long as I promise to visit on the weekends and still have dinner with them from time to time. We've missed each other, but they've always been supportive of me finding my own way."

Scarlett nods.

"Thank you for thinking about how they would feel," I say.

"I'm a mom."

"I know. You're a great one."

Scarlett bites her lips, shyly ducking her head before looking back up with something like determination in her eyes. Her expression becomes serious, like she's steeling herself to say something she's wanted to for some time now.

My breath catches in my throat. I think I know what she's going to say. Still, I listen when she takes my hand, plays with my fingers, and says, "(Y/N), can I be completely honest with you?"

"Aren't you always?"

That makes her smile. "I mean, yeah, but there's one thing I've been hiding from you, and it's something that affects you directly."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Would you like to tell me?"

Scarlett is quiet for a minute. She looks at me, worry etched on her face as she stares into my eyes. Finally,

"I'm falling in love with you."

I stop breathing. That isn't what I was expecting. No. Seriously. I thought she was going to say something else. She's falling in love with me?

Scarlett smiles and I realize that I asked her out loud.

"Yes. I'm falling in love with you, (Y/N). I've been falling in love with you for quite some time now. You didn't notice?"

"No."

"How come you never notice how I feel about you?"

"Because I don't want to end up only seeing or assuming things."

"Surely I've been obvious to you."

"In ways, but I'd rather you tell me."

Scarlett laces our fingers together. "I'm falling in love with you, (Y/N). More and more each day. And...and I was hoping that maybe, if you feel the same way, we might make our relationship an exclusive one. I don't want to see anyone else. And I sure as hell don't want you seeing anyone else. I want you to be mine. All the time."

My heart stops and suddenly nothing else matters but Scarlett's hand in mine. Everything else fades into the background. I hear no chatter, no vehicle, no noise of any kind but the steady beating of my heart in my chest. The slow and steady rhythm of a heart at peace. It's not that I've never noticed. I'm not dense. I guess I've just stopped myself from looking into things too much with Scarlett. Why? Because it's so easy to fall in love with her. It's so easy to be with her. And if I let myself see and think things, then I might fall in love alone. But now...

"I really hope you say something soon," I hear Scarlett say. That knocks me out of my thoughts.

I sweep my thumb across hers. "I've been falling for you, too. And I haven't been completely unobservant. I was just scared. We've both just gotten out of long term relationships, after all."

"I know."

"And the kids... I don't want to end up disappointing you and them."

Scarlett takes both of my hands now. "I'm scared, too. I'm scared of completely letting you in and making you a more permanent fixture in my kids' life. I'm terrified that this won't work, that Rose and Cosmo might lose you, too. But I want you so much, (Y/N). I want this. I want us."

God.

"I want you, too, Scarlett."

"Does this mean that you won't see anyone else?" she asks and my thoughts immediately fly to Lizzie. Lizzie and her smile. Lizzie and her laughter. Lizzie and the yellow paint on her cheek. Lizzie and the kiss that we shared. Lizzie and the last time I saw her. Lizzie and Robbie.

"I won't. I haven't been seeing anyone else."

"You did when I was in New York. I know I'm not supposed to be jealous but I am."

"I haven't seen her since you got back. I promise."

"And you won't see her anymore? Just me?"

I lean in and watch Scarlett unconsciously do the same. "I won't. Just you. I swear it."

"Good," Scarlett whispers, our faces now so close to one another I can feel her breath on my cheek. "Because you're mine, (Y/N)."

"Yours, Scarlett."

She kisses me and I kiss her back. I'm hers. 

Author's Note: 

Don't worry Lizzie stans! The story isn't over yet.