Why Do Tears Keep Falling

Whispers In The Dark

"I've never hated my job like I did back then, Nour, because I felt like everything was my fault. I shouldn't have left her in that situation. Even now that I'm standing here, staring into the distance, the memories of that fateful day are flooding back.

I could still hear the sound of her voice calling out my name as I left. I could still see the look of worry on her face as she watched me ride away.

And then the news came—the terrible news that would change my life forever. I could still feel the pain, the guilt, and the overwhelming sense of loss.

I lost her and our child. The child that didn't grace this earth. I didn't know what the child would look like.
This was the story of my life, a tale of love, loss, and regret."

I was just listening to Yazid as he kept narrating his story to me. It's so surprising to know that he has also experienced loss. The only difference between us is that his loss is not like mine because he has his family to shield him. I've got no one.

But then, even though I know that life is like a bus ride, On the bus you're driving, your parents, friends, and people you briefly crossed paths with are sitting as passengers. But eventually, they'll all get off the bus. It's just too hard to accept the truth, even though we know it.

"Yazid feeling pain and having scars is the same for everyone. And since we can't fight it, I believe we should learn how to live with it."

I said, and when I looked at him, he seemed to be staring into space. His face was drawn and gaunt, the lines piercing his flesh. He seemed to be carrying the weight of the whole planet on his shoulders.

He was unable to cope with the suffering and grief he had gone through. His eyes had become dark, and his life's spark had been extinguished by the harsh hand of destiny. He was an isolated, dejected, and shattered guy.

I've never seen him like this, and it's hard to keep staring at him because the strong guy I've known is no longer in control of himself. Even though I don't know his complete story, only the details confirmed to me that he has experienced something brutal and unforgiving.

"Nouhran, tell me something. Why isn't that something bad always happen to good people? Do you think we deserve such a life?"

I don't know what to say to him because I've asked myself this question again and again, but I never got an answer to it either.

Maybe this has been our fate ever since we were in our mother's womb. Many others are facing the same fate as ours, some more than that.

Anytime I remember something that will rip away my peace, I try to focus on something else. Maybe if I can see the corpse of Maha just like my parents, then I will stop searching for her, and I will know that the fate that linked us together as siblings has expired.

We stayed in silence, enjoying the breeze as we stared up, watching the wonders of our creator. Indeed, Allah is the best calligrapher.

Back then, I used to ask myself what would happen when I became a star. Will I shine on the world, or will I shine on people's darkest parts? But now all I want is peace.

"Nouhran," Yazid called me.

I turn to give him my attention, waiting to hear what he wants to say.

"Apart from looking for your sister, what do you want in your life?"

I was taken aback by his question because no one had ever asked me this question, and my life was a mess for me to think of praying for something.

"I don't have anything to do," I said.