Love Under Oath

Chapter 2

As the paramedics run over to us I yell out to them hurry up as the passenger is screaming even though I am trying to calm them down.

Just as the paramedics get over to us the screaming stops and the hand that is in mine went slack. I feel for a pulse but cant find one. I'm in shock as they just died before help could get to them.

Ricky came over to me and said mate there is nothing you can do now. Come on, let's go and take witness statements so we can get out of here and get you cleaned up.

I just nod my head as I'm numb from all feelings at the moment. This is the first time I have ever seen something like this. Sure I have seen accidents but not bad ones like this.

Around 4 hours later we finally get back to the station so we can do all the paperwork we need to do.

After all the paperwork has been filled out we finally get to finish up for the night.

I get home and just fall straight on the couch. I'm that tired but I cant stay here too long otherwise I will be asleep so I gather up the last bit of my energy and drag myself into the shower. I need to wash all the blood and dirt off of me.

After my shower I just head to bed as I'm so tired. I need sleep. My head hits my pillow and I close my eyes but all I can see is the passenger in the car as she died right in front of me then the loved ones faces as we told them what happened.

I toss and turn all night not being able to get the scene and the screams out of my head.

I finally decided to give up on trying to sleep around 2am and sat out watching television until it was time to get ready for work.

I arrive at the station at the same time Ricky does and he says to me man you look like shit. I turn around and sarcastically say thanks. I feel like shit. I had no sleep last night. All I could see and hear all night was the screams of the passenger and her face as she died in front of me. Ricky puts a comforting arm around me and says mate it will get better. You handled it well last night, I was so proud of how you handled it. I turn to him and look him in the eyes and say Ricky she still died on me. I didn't do well if she died.

Ricky pulled away from me and said mate her injuries were incompatible with life. It happens mate. Don't beat yourself up over it, it won't do you any good to your mental health.

You need to let it go. I nod my head and say yeah you're right. I will be ok tonight. It was just a shock that was all.

It was so busy today that I didn't think about it but when it was time to go to sleep all I saw were her eyes pleading with me to help her. I feel like I failed her. I had one job and that was to help her but I didn't even do that.

The next day I drag myself out of bed to get a few things done before my shift tonight. I really need to clean up and do some shopping but I'm just utterly exhausted. I cant do it so I just spent the day watching TV.

When it came time to go to work I got ready and went to style my hair with my sea salt spray I like to use. I'm shocked to see the bags and black rings under my eyes. I pulled the foundation out of the drawer that my sister left here the last time she came to stay.

I put it on but it didn't help but I cant do anything about it. I just leave it and grab my things to go to work.

When I arrived at work Ricky was already there so I just went in and signed on.

I signed on and was walking past the staff room when I heard someone laughing and I heard Ricky say guys leave him alone. He did well for the first time the other day and he doesn't need your shit. He is taking all this harder than you think.

I peaked around the door frame and saw who I thought were my friends laughing and Ricky was standing there glaring at them. He was not impressed.

I cant help myself but walk in and say Fuck off you idiots. I bet you were the same on your first serious car accident. That shuts them up and Ricky walks over to me and says don't worry about them mate they are just jealous that you handled it better then they did. Now come on, let's go out on patrol. I nod my head and walked out to dump my bag in my locker.

While out on patrol Ricky turns to me and says mate you need to sleep you cant keep this up.

I look at him and say I cant every time I close my eyes. All I see and hear is her face and her screaming. I don't even feel like eating. I just cant do it.

I don't want to quit as I love my job but I just cant sleep. It will get better, don't worry about it.

Ricky says I do worry about it as you are one of my best friends and I don't like seeing my friends suffer.

After that we let it slide as we were called out on a job.

We didn't have much time after that until we finished which was when Ricky brought it up again. He told me I should go and see his other best mate who is a counsellor and he will be able to help me. I turn to Ricky and say I don't need to see anyone I just need time and sleep and I will be ok. Ricky let it drop after that to which I was grateful. I didn't really want to argue with Ricky. I know he means well and is trying to help me.