Here we go to the first chapter, everyone! Let's take a walk in Nick Sturniolo's mind.
Good thing this is called fanfiction.
___
Ever since Nick was a kid, he knew he likes men. He doesn't know what gay was before but he knew he likes men. Little Nick also knew that it wasn't normal.
Little Nick knew that pink is for girls. Blue is for boys. Girls is for Boys. Boys is for girls. And boys is not for boys. It wasn't normal. Matt talks about this girl in their class and he's all smiley and flushed, Nick thought he looked like that whenever he talks about this handsome cartoon character.
But he brushed it off, maybe in highschool, he'll find a girl who could make him feel like whatever Matt's feeling whenever he talks about that girl.
___
Highschool came.
And Nick knew what gay is. Nick knew what he is. Yet no one told Nick that knowing himself would also mean; Nick creating a line between him and his brothers.
"NIIICCCCCCKKKK! We're hanging out with Nate today, wanna come?" He heard Chris' annoying voice before he saw his face peeking in his door.
He rolled his eyes at him. "No."
"WHY!"
"Can you stop fucking shouting, oh my god."
"I asked why." It was Chris' turn to roll his eyes at Nick. "You barely hangout with us anymore. You're always with the girls."
Nick knew Chris didn't mean it in a bad way but he still couldn't help the flick of nervousness that washed over him. If Chris realized he's gay, would they hate him? Would it change them?
"Just get out, Chris. I have a homework to do."
"Whatever. Rot in your room." Chris said and left.
The cycle continued. Chris or Matt or both would invite him to a "boys hangout" and he would decline. Always finding an excuse until both stopped inviting him. Until he feels like they're drifting away.
___
Nick watched his brothers laughing with their friends. He just got home from his friends' house and he was greeted with his brothers playing basketball.
Before, Matt would've noticed that he arrived by now. Chris would invite him to join them and Nick would gladly do so. Throwing his bag on the floor.
None of it happened.
Matt continued to laugh with Nate while Chris missed the shot.
Am I still here?
Of course, the rational side of his mind knew that it wasn't his brothers' who drift away but him. He was the one who stopped making his presence known. He stopped shouting "I'm home!" His steps are silent now.
He was the one who distanced himself with his friends, his brothers, afraid that if he ever come out they would be disgusted. At least it wouldn't hurt that much if I already distanced myself. That's what he always said to himself. He'll be fine.
