Good thing this is called fanfiction.
req from: Mosasaurus42
tw: mentions of r@pe (but not the actual scene), su!cidal ideation & su!cide attempt, bleeding (this is a very sensitive topic so please if you are not comfortable, do not read. i will not make this too graphic, just vague probably.)
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Nick already put it down in the back of his head but he knows that he could never avoid it. There will be times that it'll come back and haunt him. He put his journal on his lap, he needs to write. Years ago, Nick was not the type of person to write down his thoughts and feelings but everything changed because of that day.
Nick sits huddled on the edge of his bed, his gaze fixed on his journal lying open on his lap, but his mind a million miles away. The soft glow of the bedside lamp casts gentle shadows across the room, providing comfort in the darkness of his thoughts. With trembling hands, Nick absentmindedly flips through the pages of his journal, his eyes skimming over the words without truly registering their meaning. Each sentence is a fleeting distraction, an attempt to drown out the memories that threaten to consume him.
(quick reminder to not mind the timelines because ig it won't make sense with some information with irl triplets.)
He reads, September 08, 2020.
She told me I was pretty as a rose. Up to this day, I still wonder why I was the one who bled when it was her hands that grasped my body full of thorns.
Nick picked up his pen beside him and decided to write down all his thoughts.
July 26, 2024.
Outside, the world carries on, oblivious to the silent battle raging within the corners of my mind. Sometimes, I think I fully forget her until I see her in the crevices of literally everywhere. Of my home. Of an unfamiliar face.
Of my body.
Nick wrote down everything he could think of, everything that he couldn't tell his brothers. Even his therapist. A knock from the door jolts Nick from his reverie. The knock was loud and it didn't stop until Nick shouts inside that he's coming to open the door.
Matt and Chris learned how to knock again last 2020 because Nick remembers the pattern of her knock. It still sends shiver down his spine, it makes his heart pound. Three soft knock and her calling his name. Nicky. Matt and Chris never called him Nicky anymore.
"We're gonna go and film the Friday video in a minute." Matt informed him, his brother's eyes lingered on the journal he's holding.
"Alright, I'll just grab my hoodie."
"M'kay, we'll wait for you in the car.." Said Matt, voice a lot softer now though it never spiked hostility in the first place.
That's also the thing that changed, his brothers are extra careful with him now. Extra gentle. They rarely bicker now, argue.. everything changed. Nick changed and so everyone around him did too, just so they could pick up with his pace. Just so they could pick up his broken pieces. He felt guilty about it.
It was never his plan to be like this.
Nick stood up and went to his closet to grab his favorite hoodie. It was the hoodie he bought a year ago along with his new clothes. He got rid of every clothes he previously owned because he could still smell her perfume.
February 19, 2023.
I still smell her in my clothes. I don't know, she's only ever been close to one of my shirts but it feels like she left her smell in every other clothes that I own.
