Good thing this is called fanfiction.
tw: depression, implied/reference su!cide, mcd
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What's the point of living?
Nick stared at his bedroom ceiling. He's been like this for an hour already. His body feels like it's carrying the weight of the world but his heart feels empty.
What's the point of living?
He don't know.
He was sure he knew before.
Everytime he looked at his brothers. Everytime he greet his fans. Everytime he's with his friends. Everytime he plays with Trevor and hugs his parents at Boston.
But everything is not the same anymore.
He's pretty sure that before, he sees the sky as pink and purple. So calming and beautiful. As if it was the universe's way to tell Nick that he belong in this life. That Nick is alive. That Nick exists.
Right now though, his vision is blurry. The only thing he could see is the dim light above, everything around is dark and blue. He couldn't hear, too. It's as if he's underwater.
And no one sees him.
Sometimes, he can hear everyone's laughter coming from a distance. As if they were somewhere, having the best of their lives while Nick is just slammed back into the ocean.
He couldn't remember when it started. He couldn't remember the time when he started to feel dull.. to feel nothing... but when you ask Nick if he remember the time when he was the happiest, he could tell you every single story. It's ironic because it wasn't supposed to be that way. It feels like he's been living his whole life this way where happiness only comes like a significant event and that's why he remembers it.
When Nick got out of that clinic, not telling his brothers about his appointment, he felt nothing.
He knew there was something wrong with him. He did not come to the clinic for a check up, rather, he came to the clinic for a confirmation.
The whole world is eating him alive.
Nick has depression.
___
Nick loves his fans. He remembered the time when they were on tour. He hugged most of them, and they would tell him stories. He had the time of his life. Listening and laughing along with them.
It warms his heart to know that someone loves him. That his brothers and him actually saves people in their dark times. It's nice to know the people who supports them with all their heart. Nick have never been this grateful.
He thought of making a lot more people happy, put smiles on their faces. He thought about hugging more people, he thought about hearing new stories. He thought about going for another tour to meet all the people who loves him, to meet them and tell them how grateful he is for them.
He thought about staying.
But it's just not it.
It's not enough.
___
"Madi, I swear. Green and White is your color. You should wear that more often."
