𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 - Matt Sturniolo

𝟹𝟼

✽+†+✽―― what a time ――✽+†+✽
₀₃.₁₈.₂₀₂₃
Cʜᴀɪsᴇ

It was time for me to close up store and check out the stock at the bookstore where I work one last time. I had a date with Kevin, my boyfriend, that evening.

I had met him in the café where I also worked. He had come to the café over and over again just to see me and to ask for my number at some point.

I liked him, I really did. But did I love him? I don't know. Sometimes I was sure I did. But sometimes I wondered if I only liked him so much because he was the only constant in my life. He was the one who offered me security, the one who gave me stability.

I sighed and looked around the store. when I had sorted the invoices, my co-workers sorted the new books and cleaned the store. Everything was smooth and I was ready to close up when I suddenly realized something that made my heart stop.

Matt's face, on the list of authors on the new releases shelf. I stepped closer to the shelf and looked at the book next to his face. 'Almost Yesterday' I picked it up and ran my hand over the book. I thought I was dreaming for a moment, but it was real.

I had so many feelings all at once. I wanted to throw it across the room, step on it and throw it away, burn all the copies I see. But at the same time I wanted to read it, to see if he had mentioned me in a word, if he had written me in the acknowledgements as he had promised.

But I was also proud, so damn proud. He had done it, he had written his own book. That was what he always wanted.
The pain made me freeze at the memory of that summer. We had imagined a future. A future that only existed in our heads.

It had been almost 4 years since I had last seen him and it still hurt. We had never really ended it and maybe that's why I could never really get closure.

I knew he lived here now, in LA. And I lived in constant fear and hope that I would run into him. But LA was big and there was a 0.01% chance that we would ever run into each other.

He also lived in one of the wealthier neighborhoods in LA and me, I lived in a run down house in a neighborhood that looked down on us.

Why did I know where he lived? Because I still watch their videos to this day. They've come a long way, 5 million people follow them on YouTube.

Nick had become more confident and he was even funnier than before. And Chris is still Chris, he's having fun and he's stayed true to himself. Every time I watch videos of them I have a laugh, and that's why I still do it.

Because watching Matt laugh, the way he rolled his eyes when Chris said something stupid, the way he changed, triggered so much in me. Anger that he just let me fall like that, sadness for what we lost, disappointment that we will never fulfill our dreams together and pride.

I sighed and opened the book. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop myself. I turned to the page with the acknowledgements. I had to know.

I read. He thanked his parents, of course, his brothers, Nathan and Madi. Then I heard a throat clearing and my head turned to the door as my hand closed the book.

Kevin stood in the doorway and grinned at me. "What are you doing?" he asked and I got nervous. "Oh, I was just looking at the book, it looked interesting." I lied and put the book back

I decided to forget that he had written a book. He was no longer a part of my life, no matter how much I wanted him to be.