Finn (bxb)

18. New Revelations

I ran around the parking lot, looking for Finn, but couldn't see him anywhere. Where could he have gone?

It struck me all of a sudden and I rushed toward the football ground. And just like I thought, there he was, behind the bleachers, cigarette in hand. 

I approached him slowly, as he breathed out another cloud of smoke, tilting his head back with his eyes closed. His eyes shot open at the sound of my footsteps. 

I crouched in front of him. "Hey."

He looked away and took another hit. His breathing was haphazard and labored, indicating how affected he was. I cringed slightly at the smell, but I had to admit he looked pretty sexy. 

I gently placed my hand on his cheek. His eyes finally met mine, and I wanted to cry at how much pain was hidden in them.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was at a loss for words. He looked distraught and helpless, and all I wanted to do was comfort him. I didn't know what had happened with his dad, but I hated him already. 

I opened my arms and he stared at me. I gave him an encouraging nod, and that was all he needed. He buried his head in the crook of my neck and I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could. We stayed there like that for a while, enveloped in a delicate silence. 

I ran my hand through his soft hair while whispering to him, "It's okay. It'll all be okay."

I waited with him until his breathing evened out and he seemed to be much more composed. He pulled away and rubbed his face with his hands. He began walking away, with only a quick glance at me that silently told me to go along with him. We walked back to the now empty parking lot, and although he was silent the whole time, his actions were as tender as ever. He put on my helmet, and placed my arms around his torso before we left. 

I was worried because he wasn't saying anything, but I decided to let him collect his thoughts. He dropped me off and went inside his house without a word. I sighed and tried to put my worries aside. 

Hours passed by and I worked on my English project. Which shouldn't have taken me more than 15 minutes, but I found Finn to be such a complex person that I took over an hour. By the time I was done I realized it was already dark outside.

I walked over to my window and tried to peek through the curtains to see if Finn was in his room. I huffed in annoyance when I couldn't see anything, but stuck my head out and looked upwards just in case. I could see the edge of his converse, and breathed a sigh of relief. He was just on his roof.

I quickly shot him a message. 

sebassian24: can i join u?

He replied within the next few seconds with a sure.

I braced myself and gingerly crawled out, wondering how I'd get up there by myself. But a fluffy mop of black hair popped up and I realized I didn't need to. He held out his hand and pulled me up as carefully as he could. 

I dusted myself off and sat next to him. We said nothing, but only stared at the stars in silence. Finn took my hand in his and gently fidgeted with my fingers. I could sense he was trying to tell me something. 

He took a deep breath. "I hate him."

I looked at him, and he repeated his words. 

"My dad, I hate him." 

He scoffed and fixed his gaze onto the stars. "He was never really there anyway, he showed up maybe once or twice a week, if he was feeling generous. He said it was work, but both me and my mom knew it wasn't true."

I simply looked at him, waiting for him to continue. 

"They fought all the time, but my mom tried to keep me away from it as best as she could. I didn't know the severity of it until years later." 

He ran his thumb across my hand, tracing circles as he spoke. 

"I idolized him as a child. I tried to do everything perfectly, because I desperately wanted him to love me. I didn't know what I was doing wrong."

He finally faced me, and the look on his face was heartbreaking. 

"When I was almost ten, he promised me I would have the best birthday ever. We even picked out what desserts we would have, the color of the balloons, and the toppings on the pizza we would eat. I was so happy that day."

He clenched my hand a little tighter, and his eyes were glazed over, as though he was reliving those past moments. 

"On the day of my tenth birthday, I got all dressed up and waited for him. I waited, and waited for hours with that stupid golden party hat. I called him over and over, but he never picked up. He never showed up." 

He paused for a second, before laughing humorlessly. "I thought he'd got into an accident. I was freaking out, crying. He eventually did call me back, hours after the candles on my cake were melted. Even a happy birthday from him would've fixed my day, but all he did was curse me out."

I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight. He let out a shaky breath as he nestled his head on my shoulder.

"He called me all sorts of things, and told me how he never wanted me, how I ruined his sex life, how worthless I was. It went on and on, he was drunk, but his words were sober. That was the last time we ever spoke. He had left, and would never come back. I called him all night, leaving voicemails desperately, apologizing and begging him to return."

His voice was muffled, but I could hear his words clearly. I choked back my own tears, and focused on trying to comfort Finn, as I gently rubbed his back. 

"The bastard just left. He just fucking left, leaving us nothing. My mom tried to fight for me, but we had no money. All he'd bothered with was sending the divorce papers. We couldn't afford a lawyer, and my mom couldn't bear to run after him every single day. It was killing her."

After another brief pause, he went on. 

"We learnt to live on our own. It was extremely hard, but my mom's a strong one. We're doing good now, but those first few years were the worst."

He lifted his head and looked me straight in my eyes. 

"I tried, but I simply could not get close to people. There's always a lingering fear that everyone will eventually get tired and leave, lift up my hopes only for everything to come crashing down."

I brushed the hair out of his eyes, barely managing to keep my tears in check. I hadn't known how difficult it was for him, and I hated Ben with every fiber of my being. He must've known Finn in the past, and used it as a cheap way to piss him off. 

I slowly leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. It just felt right. 

We sat together until my eyes began to close on their own accord. Finn noticed and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Let's go."

We got down and went into our respective rooms. I stood by my window, staring ahead for a few more minutes. I eventually went to finish off my nightly routine of eating and showering, but I took a little longer to fall asleep that day. 

His eyes kept haunting my dreams.