Shadows and Secrets

Chapter 1

I punched Cassian in the face. Sparring always calmed me down. I didn't usually resort to fighting my brother in all but blood, but I after the week's events, I needed to blow off some steam. It hadn't been my week. Most likely the worst week of my five hundred and forty seven years of life.

On Monday, I had to torture a spy from the Spring Court (Tamlin is always sending them for any hope of winning Feyre back, though he must know by this point that he had no chance) to try and gain information about the southern most court, the spy died as my shadows swirled around them. On Tuesday, I started flying lessons with Nyx, it took all my patience not to lash out at the seven year old who was not cooperating. On Wednesday, I had to go to the Illyrian war camps to talk to a bunch of war lords who were refusing to stop the wing clipping of females, and as I guessed, I was given the task of convincing these idiots to outlaw the procedure in their camps. On Thursday, I had to attend a ball at the Court of Nightmares, which as always, I was expected to attend and stand guard over Feyre and keep an eye on Mor.

By Friday I thought my week couldn't get any worse, but it did, and this event made my heart shatter. Elain, who I'd been in love with since I first laid my eyes on her, came over to the river house to have dinner with all of us. I was looking forward for this dinner after my awful week as she made my spirits lift every time I saw her. She told us she had big news for all of us. Though I never expected what she told us. She told us that she had fallen in love with Lucien, who had charmed her over the last few years, and had accepted the mating bond. Now, it was Saturday and after my rotten week, I needed to get my anger out, and Cassian never backed down an opportunity to spar with me. I had been fighting him for the last two hours, and I felt no better than I did before I started.
"I've had enough." I told Cassian.
"Is everything alright Az? You don't usually spar for this long with either me or Rhys." Cassian said with a concerned look on his face.
"Everything is fine." I responded. I wasn't ok, but I didn't need to seek his sympathy. I never did. I didn't need anyone knowing that my heart was shattered. I was meant to be the cold one, the one who feels more but never expresses the emotion. I couldn't tell him or Rhys about my soft spot for Elain. They would tell Nesta and Feyre about it, and they would tell Elain, and I wasn't going to place that burden on her. She didn't need to ever know that I had once loved her; and a small shard of my shattered heart still yearned for her, but I knew I never stood a chance now.
"If you say so." Cassian's face still looked remotely concerned, but he didn't question it any further.

I flew back to the river house to meet with Rhys. He had invited me over to organise more flying lessons with Nyx, as I had agreed to be his permanent flying teacher. I landed on the doorstep. I opened the door to find Elain walking down the hall towards the door. I hadn't spoken to her since she announced her mating bond with Lucien. I could smell him all over her. It reminded me I would never have a chance with her.
"Azriel..." Elain started.
"Good afternoon Elain." I said as I walked past her. I didn't look at her. That would make my heart shatter even more.
"I just want to..." Elain continued.
"I need to go and meet with Rhys," I turned and look at her and she looked as beautiful as always, "I'll see you around."
"I just want you to know that the mating ceremony is a week today Az. You have been invited." Elain said quickly.
My broken heart missed a beat and the small shard of my heart that still loved her shattered into oblivion and all I felt was emptiness.