tw drug addiction
harry had never been a sociable person. he found in too easy to stay hidden away in by himself, without the constant pressure of judgement or meeting people's expectations of him. because he has made himself known, and he knew that whenever people met him, they went away with a sense of confusion. he didn't live up to his online persona, he was awkward, and shy, and found making conversation more difficult than it was worth.
but he found when he had just a taste of alcohol, just a small bit, he felt better about it all. ready to embrace the world, to be a better version of himself. people preferred him drunk, they liked him more when he was loud and funny, not worrying about any looks thrown in his direction. people laughed the most when he was waved, and that was okay, because he didn't really leave the flat without being so anymore. it just felt natural, better.
-
"i'm thinking of not drinking this month," lux said suddenly at the table, harry and cal looking up from their phones in interest. "like, dry jan, you know?" he continued, and harry furrowed a brow, but still smiled supportively.
"yeah, sounds good," he nodded, freezy agreeing heavily.
"my liver is already beyond fucked," he laughed, casually. they were young, they would be fine, harry knew that.
"i could never, but good for you mate," he said honestly. the thought of not being able to remain his new, happier self made him feel a bit ill.
"after a while, it's easy, apparently," lux continued, but harry shrugged, rueful smile on his face.
"i respect it, not for me though," was all he said, freezy laughing once again in agreement.
-
harry couldn't find his friends, lost in the dark, moody music of some underground club he had been dragged to the ethan, freezy and lux. he had the usual hum in his system, so natural that the feel was barely even noticeable, but it was evidently there, his easy smile the first sign.
the only thing he remembered after a few minutes of lost wandering was someone taking his arm, him slipping them some money, and being taken to a private corner of the room, before feeling a sudden lightness. the heavy weight he didn't even know he had been holding was lifted, leaving only a sudden urge to do everything all at once. all he knew, was that he was stuck on the feeling, hours later he craved nothing more than being that weightless once again.
it was a one night thing though. he only had the guys number because they were now friends, because he had pressed it in to harry's hands with a knowing smirk and the promise he would need it some day in the future. and it didn't matter if he didn't tell his mates, the ones he had came with, because they would only fuss, make it a thing. and it wasn't.
-
harry had panicked. he had been feeling increasingly heavy, worse than ever before, and even cans upon cans of cheap beer wasn't helping, though they usually managed to take the razor sharp edge off. so, he did the only thing he could think of, the thing he needed to do, just once. just to remind himself how good he had once felt.
so, he texted the number, agreed on some dodgy alley that he would usually avoid, out of fear of getting stabbed.
"i got stronger if you want," the man had asked, with a singular raised eyebrow. harry, more distracted by the bag in his hand, barely looked up, shrugging.
"i'll be good," was all he said, turning to leave, thanking him causally, more concerned about how he was meant to get the bag back to his flat, how he was supposed to hide it from the cals. it wouldn't be a regular problem, because harry only had it this time so he could just remember what it was like to feel that good. he hadn't been expecting it, he hadn't experienced it properly last time.
