Stray Crust | JYP Stray Kids x Pizza

Marinara Saucy

TW: Cthulhu, cult, psychics, cult dog, tentacles, pineapple pizza

It was a frigid afternoon. Pedestrians were bundled up in coats and scarves and mittens, stray cats were cuddling beneath bus stop benches, and the sky was thick with cool gray clouds.

Samantha Hwang was walking her chihuahua, Karyogamy, with a brisk pace and an eye out for street art. She sighed at the romance around her, the couples holding hands or girls in high heels losing balance and falling into a handsome rich CEO K-drama actor who's kind of rude but he's just misunderstood enemies-to-lovers six-pack abs and evil mother and 6'7 etc etc. Samantha was a romantic--she spent most nights crying while watching dramas or borrowing books from retirement homes, imagining scenarios of star-crossed lovers and such.

All of a sudden, a man tapped her on the shoulder. Karyogamy started to growl, but Samantha turned around, anyway, and asked him what's up.

"Has life been hard on you lately?" he asked. He was dressed in robes with religious sigils tattooed throughout his scarcely visible skin, and his hood cast the upper half of his face in shadow.

This guy seems really trustworthy, Samantha thought to herself. "Yeah, how'd you know? It's so hard making pizzas. My flow when I'm hand tossing the dough, it's like a river, it's fluid, but my topping is so sloppy. I can only top a pizza with 5 pepperonis at a time, but Hannah and Bina can do like 100 pepperonis at a time, evenly spaced, too!"

"I understand, my stray child. You have been facing hardships?"

Woah, how'd he know? Samantha was totally shocked. Karyogamy was growling and barking and frothing at the mouth, flipping himself over and running in circles like a headless chicken. Still, Samantha was totally enchanted by this stranger in the street. "Yeah, I've faced so many hardships. You're like, a psychic or something."

"Come, my stray child. Let us relieve you of these hardships." Suddenly, there was spooky organ (instrument) music playing as his BGM.

Still, Samantha Hwang happily followed after him. They got on a bus, and rode hours away, to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere. There were marinara sauce stains on the walls, echoes from within locked chambers, and middle school art projects of the skeletal structure thrown about carelessly. What is this, a cafeteria? Oh no, not a cafeteria...! There was nothing scarier to a restaurant employee than a cafeteria where food is affordable and nutritional. Now, Samantha was getting nervous. It was too late to turn back, though.

She was led inside the warehouse, where there were other cloaked men on their knees and bowing toward a path made just for her. She approached a religious idol. It was a marine creature, with a tentacle beard, human-like body and wings. What...?

The psychic man said in a deep, dark voice, "My stray child... you must make an offering, and all of your troubles will be no more."

Samantha Hwang swallowed. Should she really do this...? She had about ten million won in her pocket but to be honest she didn't really feel like offering that. What else??

Although Karyogamy was worried for Samantha's safety, he had been trying to summon Cthulhu for years. This was his chance...! This was as well an opportunity to finally destroy the villainous Pipi and bless Samantha with a life of ease and pizza cheese. Stray Crust world domination! He scratched symbols into the floor and summoned pizza ingredients and an oven as well for her offering.

"'Gamy? You're a member of the occult?" Samantha was pleasantly surprised. When Karyogamy nodded in reply, she thanked him for his gifts with head pats and got started on the pizza offering. Her topping style had improved so much--in a fast yet controlled manner, Samantha layered on pepperonis and pineapples and peppers. Maybe she'd never be as fast as Hannah and Bina, but her sexy layering technique was unparalleled. 

At last...! She placed the piping-hot pizza before the idol. The psychic-cultists started to chant excitedly. Sparks, fire, light, howling wind, crackling, popping, snapping! Smoke spewed from the idol and filled up the room and their lungs! Water rushed in from the doorway, the windows, the cracks in the walls, washing away the marinara stains and such, and splashing at their stomachs. Samantha held Karyogamy to her chest as finally, the idol itself crumbled, and from the depths of the warehouse, from an opened portal, a rip between realms, rose Cthulhu. Behold! Cthulhu! Karyogamy's tail couldn't have waggled any harder.

Despite the cult members throwing themselves at the Lovecraftian entity, Cthulhu's interest lie solely in the soggy pizza floating about. His tentacles lashed out and brought this beautiful Hawaiian work of art to his mouth, and he savored every taste as it sat on his tongue. "The cheese... its melted to perfection, strings pull between pieces, no breakage... the sauce is a fantastic blend of fresh herbs grown in a garden and ripe tomatoes... the dough is soft and bready, the crust dissolves in your mouth... the vegetables... and the pineapple, this is... divine..."

Samantha scratched the back of her head. "Really? I'm kind of self conscious about my topping style."

"No, no your topping style is so unique and flawless gurl," Cthulhu insisted. He gave Karyogamy a head pat, too, just because he was such a good boy and loyal follower. "Anyways, Stray Crust world domination." Cthulhu threw it back, and with that, he vanished into his lil portal again.

A few weeks later, Samantha and Felicity were hanging out in Australia at Felicity's house, playing video games like uhh GTA VI or Tekken 8 or something. Felicity's pet Cassowary, Kevin, pecked at the third PS5 controller but was pretty terrible at the video games. She kept rage quitting too, and eventually even kicked the TV, shattering it completely.

"Ugh Kevin," said Felicity. "I need to check the mail anyways I guess."

Together, Felicity and Samantha ventured outside in the disgustingly hot and spider-ridden Australian outback down under. Immediately, giant birds started diving for them with missile-like attacks. Human-sized spiders sniffed them out and started spitting acid their way, and snakes had already wrapped around their legs. Felicity and Samantha fought off the deadly wildlife, however, and made it to the mailbox after struggle and strife.

"Oh, it's for you," Felicity said, as she handed Samantha an envelope. Samantha opened it, to reveal a letter from a famous food industry company.

It read: 

Dear Samantha Hwang,

You have been chosen as the Pizza Artist of the Month! Please make a pizza for your commercial.

Salutations,

Studio Chew

"Oh my god how exciting!" exclaimed Felicity, and the girls held hands and jumped around as if their feet had been replaced with springs. 

It was then that Felicity got ran over by a car.

"Oh sh--sorry," said the Aussie neighbor, who was driving the car. "Hey wait are you Felicity? Randall Lee's sister?" He saw the korean freckles, and knew it must be Felicity. "Woah, hey, how ya goin'? Long time no see."

Felicity groaned, and with Samantha's help, she was able to sit up. It kind of sucks getting hit by a car, to be completely honest. [insert an appropriate response to getting hit by a car]. She was an Aussie, though, oyoyoy, so as luck would have it, all her bones were upside down anyways, so nothing was broken and she was fine. She and Samantha ventured back inside.

As luck would have it, Felicity's brother Randall was blasting Post Malone from his bedroom. Post Malone...! The Post Malone? Post Malone, the most famous mixologist in America? Naur way! Samantha gripped the letter in her hands, and was come over with a leaping inspiration!