The Pacifist

Not Here, Not Now

Rachel

Rachel had never felt so bold, so she grabbed a hold of the feeling and went to him, falling to her knees in front of him. Joseph didn't move, and just looked at her with obvious curiosity. She held his face between her hands.

"I can feel your need, and I want you just as much." Her face reddened as she spoke and her insecurity battled with her uncharacteristic boldness. Which one won was declared by her slowly leaning in for a kiss. Just before her lips touched his, he grabbed her hair and pulled her to him. Rachel received his kiss with abandon and wrapped her arms around his neck as he pulled her into his lap. He growled and his fingers twitched against the back of her neck.

Pleasure, something she hadn't felt in a very long time raced through her eager body and she couldn't get close enough to him. "Please," she begged.

Joseph grunted and in a flash she was on her back with him on top of her. She spread her legs and he pressed against her so that she could feel his arousal. Her heart felt like it was going to burst with excitement. So often, in the moments where good feelings either sneak up on her, or completely overtake her, guilt for them would immediately squash them. She'd remember who she was and that she wasn't allowed to feel anything good. But this was something else with a power of its own that reigned over her and her guilt.

"Please," she said again. His inner conflict was so apparent she could feel it as if it was her own. He leaned in closer regardless and as he did, something fell from behind his shirt. This seemed to startle him and he quickly sat up to tuck it back in. Rachel had already seen what they were. Dog tags.

"This isn't a good idea." His voice betrayed the immense restraint it took for him to get up and move away from her.

Rachel felt cold after the heated moment they had almost shared. "Stop treating me like a baby! Everyone treats me like I'm this delicate thing that'll break if the wind blows the wrong way! What if I want you to hurt me?"

As the words left her lips, it occurred to Rachel why she was so drawn to him; she knew he couldn't handle her with kid gloves forever, and she wanted to prove that she could survive whatever he had in store for her.

Because, if given the chance, she could be strong.