FATE & ATTRACTION

Chapter 7: Shadows and Silence

LEXIE'S POV:

The weight of my recent actions bore heavily on my conscience as the days passed. The distance I had created between Renee and me felt like an impenetrable fortress, built brick by brick by the relentless voices in my head. I knew I had been cruel, but the fear of vulnerability kept me from reaching out, from letting Renee see the shadows that lurked within.

Despite my best efforts to push Renee away, the persistent calls and attempts to check on me revealed a thread of genuine concern. It left me torn between the desire to open up and the paralyzing fear that I would be a burden, that I would never be enough for her.

One day, the weight of my internal struggle led me to a decision I hadn't anticipated. I found myself day drinking, the liquid courage dulling the edges of my insecurities. In a moment of vulnerability and intoxication, I dialed Renee's number.

**Lexie:** *Hey, Renee... I... I've got something important to tell you.*

The confusion in Renee's voice was palpable as she responded,

*Renee:* *Lexie? What's going on? Are you okay?*

**Lexie:** *Yeah, I just... I need to tell you something. It's important.*

The truth, the struggles I had faced with depression, my sexuality, and the recent relapse, hovered on the tip of my tongue. But the insidious voices whispered their doubts, their warnings that I would only burden Renee with my problems.

**Renee:** *Lexie, you're scaring me. Are you drunk? What's happening?*

In a moment of panic, I backed out.

**Lexie:** *You know what it's not important*

The vulnerability became too much to bear, and I hung up abruptly, leaving Renee bewildered on the other end of the line.

As the day wore on, the weight of my actions pressed down on me. The looming soundcheck, where I would have to face Renee, became an unbearable prospect. In a moment of desperation, I sought out Renee's tour manager, hoping for a reprieve.

**Lexie:** *Hey, um, is it possible for me to take the day off? I'm not feeling well.*

The manager, sensing the urgency in my request, eyed me with concern.

**Manager:** *Sure, Lexie. Take the time you need. But is everything okay?*

I forced a weak smile, the weight of my secrets heavy on my shoulders.

**Lexie:** *Yeah, I just need a day to clear my head. Thanks.*

The hours passed in solitude, each ticking second heightening the anxiety that had become my constant companion. As soundcheck approached, the dread settled in. The decision to avoid Renee seemed inevitable.

After the show, Renee's absence from my life had not gone unnoticed. Worried, she stormed over to my room, the echoes of her knocks reverberating through the air.

**Renee:** *Lexie, open up! What's going on?*

I stood on the other side of the door, my heart pounding with every insistent knock. The voices in my head screamed at me to stay silent, to continue avoiding the connection I feared would unravel me. I acted as if I couldn't hear her, as if she wasn't standing just on the other side of the door.

The shadows of my insecurities loomed large, creating a barrier between us. In the silence, the chasm that had grown between Renee and me widened, leaving us on opposite sides of a closed door, trapped in the echoes of what could have been.