My First Crush is Now My Brother

Chapter 3

Dinner

I woke up from my nap at around 4 pm. So I headed downstairs. I didn't want a nap, but I had been awake all night and had a big evening. I got to meet my new team. I was excited. And scared. I didn't know anything about them. I hadn't done any prior research, and I also didn't know anyone's name yet.

I told my babysitter that I didn't need to eat dinner with her and I would be dining with the neighbours that evening. Rich boy words always make the nanny agree with me. I'm too posh to ignore. So I eat dinner with Bruce. And Dick. Dick was there. I had grown a bit since I had last seen him. And developed. And come to some realisations.
1) Not everyone is bi.
2) I am bi.
3) I really like Dick Grayson.

I felt awkward and stupid. It was bad. It's not like we're related. He just had these eyes. And his hair. And his jaw. Dick had started his transition a lot younger than I had. I was currently 15 and had only been transitioning for a year. Dick started at 9. Yet he still had a feminine beauty to him. He was stunning and agile. And like a portrait come to life. However, the most talented artist couldn't fully capture Dick's beauty.

This was a very stupid crush held by a very stupid boy. Me. The very stupid boy was me.

I eat my food with my head down and ears up. I didn't look at anyone. I was a little nervous, too. I let them think that my anxiety was focused on meeting my new team. Rather than my foolish crush on a boy 8 years older than me who saw me as a brother figure.

Bruce sat at the head of the table, as always, and Dick sat across from me.

"Hey, Timber, what's on your mind?" Dick whispered like he wasn't supposed to talk to me at dinner.
"Nothing." I responded. "I'm just worried about later."
"What's later?"
"I'm meeting my team."
"You're worried about that? Fuck 'em. You guys are a team, and they are all kids your age. Do you think I was bouncing off the walls the day I met the Titans?"
"Yes. You were. You broke a wall sconce." Bruce interjected.
"Nevertherless!" Dick said in his loud bravado. "You should be excited and less nervous because they are just as nervous. Why don't you and I spar for a while beforehand?"

I should have said no. He was so hot and it was so inappropriate. But he was so hot and nice. So I found myself agreeing, like it was going to help.

I had to stop myself from my usual wiggling, I knew if I went too fast, people would know I was freaking out. I held onto my fork like it would control my life. I bit my tongue as I chewed and suppressed it. I was so scared.

Because I want a very good fighter. At least not when I'm compared to Dick Grayson. And deffinatly not when I'm trying my hardest not to look like I'm attracted to the person I'm fighting.

Why can't Dick just be married? That would make my life a bazillion times easier; because then, he would be so unavailable that my brain wouldn't register him as a person at all. Just someone's husband. That would make it so much easier.

I ate my food slower than normal and tried to stretch out how long I was eating for. I kind of hoped that Dick would be pulled out by an urgent call like he always was when we were spending quality time together. However I was bestowed no such luck. It was a horrible feeling. A sinking nawing feeling that ate away at my stomach.

After a while, I wasn't even hungry, but I ate so that I could potentially get Dick to kick me so hard I threw up. That's it Timmy, find the silver vomit covered lining. A stupid notion, but it kept me eating. And eating. Till my plate was empty.

I opted out of dessert, which Dick did not do. Ever. He had the biggest sweet-tooth to ever exist. He would just walk around with sweets in his bag. Or pocket. It got gross quickly in his apartment.

I played on my Nintendo DS while I waited for him to finish eating. Once he had, we were excused from the dining table as the two of us made our way down to the batcave. Shitting bricks as we went.

As we made our way to the sparing area, I sighed and sulked my shoulders.

Here we fucking go.