My First Crush is Now My Brother

Chapter 4

The fight

FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKIIIIINNNNGGGGGG KIIIIIILLLLLL MMMMEEEEEE!!!

I knew sparing with Dick would be the end, and by God, at this point, it has to be. Being pinned to the floor and thrown around like a sandwich baggy of sand does not feel good. Because it felt too good.

I needed to throw myself at all the walls. Not a wall. Walls. He was such a strong and competent fighter. He was skilled and powerful. I wanted to die.

He knew too much. He had seen all he needed to see. Goodbye, cruel world. His tombstone would read, "Here lies Timothey Jackson Drake. Gay bastard fell for nightwing." And everyone would understand. Even the lesbains. And he would be dead. Very dead.

Dick walked back from his water run and threw Tim's at him.
"Okay, we got BatDad out of the room. What's wrong, babybird?" His tone was gentle and caring.
"I'm scared."
"No. You're not. What's really wrong?"

Shit. I had to pull out the final stop. The only thing I knew would work. My Hail-Mary-Pass.

I wept. I burst into horrible weeping tears and wept in the floor sobbing. I fell to my knees and hoped it would weird him out enough to leave. Apparently, he was too nice of a guy.

He knelt down and held me to his chest. He comforted and shushed me. He held me and told me that I was okay. That I would be okay. And that if he was wrong and I wasn't okay, he would help me.

"I'm-I'm-I'm bi." I blurt out. It was the only thing I could think to say. My dad never held me. My mother never told me I would be okay as I cried. Dick must be the kindest person on the planet. He breathed in deeply.
"I know, baby bird. It's okay. It's totally normal. Want to know a secret?"
I nod in response. I don't know what I want to hear, but I want to hear something.

Because I'm actually sad now. I'm actually crying. I didn't know I was actually this sad. I thought I could fake it like I always do to get what I want from the people around me. Today was not my day.

Dick took a deep breath and sighed. He pressed his nose to my hair. He was crying, too. I could feel his tears dropping onto my skull.

I pretended I couldn't tell, but I curled into his chest to give him some comfort. I didn't want him to be sad. Nightwing was quick-witted, funny, and happy. He was never this sad. Never gasping for air in someone's hair. Never this vulnerable.

I pressed my nose into his shirt, and we cried in eachothers arms. He held me close. I let him pretend I was Jason. I pushed in my chest and tried to widen my shoulders. I wanted to comfort him, but Tim Drake could never do that. Jason Todd was his baby brother. His lost sibling. His missing peice. So I stayed put. I let him take comfort in the notion that I was Jason Todd. That he was holding his brother to his heart. Helping him to feel like he could be comfortable. He could be this vulnerable and still be safe.

I slowed my breathing and slouched. Jason had horrible posture. I met him once. He was kind and sweet. He liked to read and hated the crowd at the party we were at. I had also seen him around school. He didn't like the uniform and would sneek out of class to smoke cigarettes that he stole from the corner shop on the walk to school. He would slink around. I had inferred that he wasn't antisocial. He was nervous, scared, introverted, and probably nerodivergant.

What? Detectives gonna detect.

I felt a hand run up and down my back. "Okay. I can feel my face again. Still wanna know an old man's secrets, Drake?"
I nodded. Confused, this was the part where Dick confused me, and Jason and I let him.

Dick took a deep breath and squeezed my tight to pop.

He pulled me away to look him in the eye.

"Tim. Don't tell Bruce? Okay?"
I nodded
"Good. I'm gay."