healing takes time (none of it is linear)

Chapter 6

The next few days felt like the alphas were tiptoeing around Izuku. They were overly cautious, which would have been nice if Izuku's brain weren't telling him they would turn on him and hurt him. But he also wanted to believe they wouldn't.

They wouldn't.

It was just Shoto and Izuku home today, one of the rare days that Eijiro had to go to his office for work. They hadn't wanted to leave Izuku home alone, so Shoto had brought some work home so he could keep the omega company. "Are you feeling better?" He asked, sitting beside Izuku on the couch and putting two cups of tea on the coffee table.

It had been a few short days since his last panic attack. They were still trying to gauge how he was feeling. "Oh, umm, yeah," Izuku said, unsure if it was actually true. "I guess." His head insisted on telling Izuku he was wrong about the three alphas and that he should be punished for something even when he had done nothing wrong. But he was trying to get better. He was trying to trust them. He was trying to get those thoughts out of his head. He stared at his cup of tea but didn't move to drink it.

Shoto stared at him for a second. "You know, if you want to talk about it, you can. I'll listen."

Maybe he should tell him? Denki said he could talk with them, and it would be ok. "I umm..." How was he even supposed to start? What did he even want to say? Would Shoto get mad at him? "I don't know..." he muttered. "I just..." he paused for a long moment, and Shoto scooted closer. He was never too good with words, but Shoto always had a comforting ora around him, making it hard for Izuku to stay uptight. "Scared? I'm always scared, but I guess this is different?"

"Different how?" Shoto prompted when the omega didn't continue.

"Usually I know... I know alphas are bad," he said softly, curling in on himself. He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have said that in front of Shoto. He'll be mad he said that. He'll hurt him. "S-sorry."

Maybe the comment stung a little, but Shoto knew it was true, at least in Izuku's experiences. Why would he suddenly think an alpha was good after so many years of being surrounded by bad ones who hurt him? "You don't have to be sorry," he said softly. "You've said nothing wrong. You can keep going."

Izuku looked up at him, then back down. Does he continue? What if he's just trying to get Izuku to incriminate himself more? Wait. No. He wouldn't. Shoto wouldn't. If he said it's ok, then it's ok. "And- and you're confusing me," he admitted slowly. "Y-you're always nice and- and- I feel... safe? But I've never felt safe, so it scares me because I don't want to lose this feeling, but I'm sure I will soon." One of Izuku's hands was finding its way into his hair, tugging harshly as he got sucked back into his intrusive thoughts.

Shoto quickly but carefully took Izuku's hand and intertwined their fingers to stop him from pulling his hair. "Hey, I will do what I can to make sure you don't stop feeling safe, ok?" He said softly, using his other hand to guide Izuku's chin up so he would look at him. "I don't want you to feel unsafe. Neither do Eijiro or Katsuki."

Izuku's eyes were glassy as he looked up at Shoto. He felt the urge to lean into his touch but held back. It took everything in him not to argue with the alpha. Why would they want that? It didn't make sense. The logical side of Izuku's brain kept telling him this wasn't right. "W-why, though?" He asked quietly, eyes falling to the side so he wouldn't be looking at Shoto.

Shoto rubbed his thumb along Izuku's cheek, wiping away a tear Izuku hadn't known spiled. He was so soft with him. It made Izuku want to get lost in the feeling. "You're human too Izuku," he said softly. "And everyone deserves to feel safe."

He didn't feel like he deserved it. Someone else did. Another omega should be here, one who was able to feel safe and let themselves feel safe with the alpha. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve them.