healing takes time (none of it is linear)

Chapter 17

The week following meeting everyone's families, Izuku barely spoke. He was lost in his head, and it was worrying, to say the least. He didn't want to talk about it, and that may have been one of the most frustrating parts of the whole situation.

Katsuki, Shoto and Eijiro didn't know why he was so stuck in his head. They had tried asking, and the most they got as an answer was: "Just thinking." Their best guess was that Izuku was thinking about his mother, but any time they tried to ask, the omega would either shut down and not say anything or tell them it wasn't that and not elaborate.

Izuku was under no obligation to tell them, of course. They had told him that many times. But they were still worried.

So, the only thing the alphas could think to do was give him space, maybe call Denki over to see if he knew what was going on.

The two omegas separated quickly from the group as they usually did. Denki didn't ask anything right away, instead letting Izuku lead him to a quiet place to talk.

"Eijiro tells me you've been off for a little bit," Denki started when Izuku didn't speak first. They had all told him this, actually, but he had heard the most from Eijiro about it.

Izuku blinked a few times, "have I?" He asked though he didn't seem to be completely processing the words.

The blond shrugged, "it's what I've been told. Wanna talk about it?" Denki was starting to see what his friends meant when they said Izuku was acting off. Izuku seemed distant and not completely present. His head was somewhere else while his body stayed here.

"I don't know," Izuku whispered.

It was the same vacant look Denki had seen thousands of times on himself and others in the O.H.C. Some form of disassociation. Trying not to think about what was truly happening. "I think you should talk about it," Denki told him. "Have Katsuki, Shoto, or Eijiro done something?"

Izuku's brows furrowed for a moment before realizing what Denki could be implying. "What? No, no, no, no, I... I don't know. I just-" he shook his head. He really didn't want to think about it.

"You're worrying them," Denki said softly. "They don't want to force you to say anything, but that means you're stewing in your own thoughts, whatever they could be. I don't think it's healthy. You don't even have to say it to them, you could tell me or put it in a journal, just don't stew with it."

Izuku sighed, curled up and buried his face in his arms. "They might know where my mom is," he mumbled. "Katsuki's mom is trying to get in touch with her." They hadn't heard anything back yet, but according to Mitsuki, she would get in contact no matter what it took.

Denki hummed softly. Everyone had a different story of how they ended up in the O.H.C. The Bottom line, though, is that someone brought them there, whether it be someone they trusted or didn't trust. Usually, it was a parent; sometimes, they were kidnapped. Either way, they were brought to the company, and they had no escape.

"Is that a good thing for you or a bad thing?" Denki asked quietly, scooting a little closer.

"I don't know."

"Has your brain been taking you back there?"

Izuku nodded.

He could still feel the hand bruising his wrist as he was dragged out of his home.

He could still hear the words swirling in his head as he was thrown into the back of the car.

He remembered crying and not understanding where he was going.

Crying for his mom.

He was so afraid.

Denki shifted to put his arms around Izuku.

"I- I want to see m-my mom, b-but-" Izuku choked on his tears. "N-not him."

Denki pulled him to his chest and ran his hand through his hair. "You don't have to see him," Denki whispered. "Not if you don't want to."

Izuku felt more tears run down his cheeks. He felt so broken.

"Do you want me to get your boyfriends?"

Izuku shook his head. He felt guilty for not wanting them around right now, for not being able to talk to them about this. But he didn't want to be around any alpha, even if he trusted them.

Denki hummed thoughtfully and did what he could to calm the other omega down. The situation felt familiar to him, though he was in Izuku's position last time, and he had been able to talk to Hitoshi. There was only so much he could think to do, and that left him to settle for running his hand through Izuku's hair and rubbing his back. His heart broken for his friend.

At some point, Izuku recognized the sound of a door opening, but Denki quickly shooed them away. He had said something about omega time and that was all Izuku really caught.

"I-I'm sorry," Izuku eventually muttered.

"For what?" Denki asked. "You've done nothing wrong."

Izuku was quiet for a moment, still taking longer than it should to process everything. "I should be better by now."

"Says who?"

Izuku shrugged, keeping himself cuddled against the other omega.

"Izuku, it takes time. A lot of time. And none of it is linear. Heck, the other day Toshi startled me, and I felt like I was back at the O.H.C." Denki ran his hand through green locks. "It takes time. You were traumatized for the majority of your life. It's been what? A few months? Hate to break it to you, but you're not going to be 'better' for a long time."

"But they're good, and all I can think about is being back there and-and now my dad, and I shouldn't because I'm okay now, and they're good, and I'm not going back and-"What if he was sent back?

The new thought struck him like a ton of bricks.

"Izuku. Listen to me," Denki cupped his cheeks and had the other omega look him in the eyes. "You were in that shitty system for 13 years, give or take. Your brain is not going to forget it overnight. Truth be told, you probably will never forget it. But it will be worse if you let it control you." He brushed the hair out of Izuku's face and gave him a sad smile. "I know how hard it can be, but it gets easier if you talk about it."

"Talking about it puts me back there," Izuku mutters.

"I know. But you can't live your life in your head. Disassociating can only do so much."

Izuku's brows furrowed. "What?"

"You know, the place you go when things get bad, and you don't want to live in the present?" Denki explained.

Izuku thought for a moment before nodding in understanding. He had been doing that a lot recently. He was trying not to think of the past but was unable to live in the present.

"You're strong, Izuku. I didn't know many people who lasted as long in the system. Focus on the good and maybe open up a little. It doesn't have to be to your boyfriends or me, but it would be good to get it out."

Izuku nodded slowly again. The voice still in his head telling him to push it all down. His boyfriends wouldn't want to hear about it.

But if it would help...

"I'm going to go tell Eijiro, Shoto and Katsuki to give you some space. Do you want me to come back or would you rather be alone?" Denki asked as Izuku sat up properly.

"I... I think I want to be alone right now," Izuku whispered.

"Okay," Denki said. "You know where to find us if you need anything, and I have some extra notebooks if you'd like to write it down."

Izuku nodded.