In Another Life || Levi x Reader

Skepticism

Sunday, 850

     I'm completely useless.

     I was sent here with the task of killing the man who posed the biggest threat to Marley, and instead of killing him, I fell for him.

     I fell for the enemy.

     It's funny... I'd call the warriors I was ordered to protect careless and reckless, but they had a better head on their shoulders than I ever did. Despite their mission being extremely difficult, they at least tried. I never really did try, did I?

     When did this happen? When did it start? It definitely wasn't love at first sight. Hell, if anything, it was hate at first sight. There wasn't anything about him I admired the moment we first crossed paths (aside from his obvious talent). His disrespectful attitude only made me want to get the task done sooner.

     And yet, I never once even tried to kill him.

     He's a tough opponent, therefore, I can't just walk up to him and slice his throat. His senses and reflexes are wildly abnormal. He doesn't feel like a human sometimes. Attempting to kill him this way would only result in my dead corpse. I had brief thoughts of poisoning his tea earlier on, but I think even that would be too risky for me to do.

     Like the commander said - I needed to gain his trust first. That was the only way it could work, and I've now succeeded. The captain trusts me; it's apparent in how he communicates and behaves around me. The problem is... I started to trust him too.

     Not long ago, I took someone's life for the first time. In that moment, I thought of what I did to my father. I thought about all the abuse and mistreatment I faced after my violent actions, and it made me feel like I was going to be punished - like I was going to be locked up in a cell and starved to death just like before. I was terrified of the consequences.

     After some reflection, I was able to look past it. I am not in Marley. I am in Paradis. This country is different. I am not going to be punished for defending myself. I had to choose between my life or his, and I chose mine for good reason.

     And yet, I still can't get myself to choose between my sister's life or Levi's. It's either I kill him so she has a better life, or I return home to suffer the consequences alongside her.

     But I just can't bring myself to do it.

     Meeting him has made me rethink everything I've come to know from Marley. It made me question what the truth was - if things are as black and white as they seem. The more time I spend with him, the less I start to view him as the enemy.

     I care about him too much, and I don't want to hurt the people I care about. I don't think I can handle losing more innocent people to this conflict. 

     I wonder if Levi feels the same way I feel about him. As much as a part of me wants him to, I really don't want to imagine that he does. Sometimes, I tend to forget that I can't stay here forever. Paulina needs me. I need to go back, but how the hell can I face my superiors again knowing I failed to complete my mission?

     What if I lied and said I killed him? I don't even want to begin to imagine the consequences if they found out I lied...

     I need to find a way out of this. I'm not going to kill Levi - I forbid it. I let everyone else die, and I refuse to let him die too. That is the least I owe the others whose lives were lost because of this cruel injustice. I will not allow Levi to die - for Petra, for Mike, and for everyone else. He deserves to live.