In Another Life || Levi x Reader

What Could Have Been

A/N -

Song recommendations:

i love you - Billie Eilish

my tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish

loml - Taylor Swift

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The day Levi's mother died was a day he could only recall vaguely. He must have been seven years old, maybe. Blinded by his innocence, he had assumed she was just extremely fatigued and needed extra rest because of her job, but Levi quickly learned that sleeping for multiple days in a row wasn't anything normal, nor was the disgusting smell of rotting flesh. Death wasn't a concept he had completely understood at the time. All he knew was that his mother was gone and she had taken his youth along with her.

Death became a familiar trend in his life after that. It wasn't uncommon for him to see rotting corpses in the Underground. Eventually, Levi tossed more corpses onto the pile, no longer feeling sympathy for killing the bastards that tried to make his life a living hell in that shithole. After Kenny left, he made the decision to trust nobody but himself, because only one of two things could happen if he made allies: they'd die like his mother or leave him behind like Kenny.

Furlan and Isabel changed his perspective. They were living proof that good people existed in that shithole despite the awful circumstances. Although he had trouble putting trust in them at first, he soon found himself opening up steadily when he saw that neither of them were threats. The two of them brought a little hopeful light in the darkness.

Their deaths struck him hard. That was when Levi realized that his fears were true - everyone always left in the end, whether it be by death or by choice. He remembered the frustrated tears spilling from his eyes that day; he projected his tempered feelings onto Erwin, but in reality, he was most infuriated with himself for not coming in time to save them. Following that day, Levi swore he wouldn't let such a thing happen again. He couldn't stand to see more innocent lives meeting death.

But then the same tragedy had been replicated during the 57th expedition outside the walls when his squad was brutally murdered. He had faith in his team, but underestimated the enemy. Levi couldn't even get himself to cry again after that. The grief became desensitized behind the numbness in his heart.

Then Kenny died, and as much as he hated the fucking bastard, Levi felt his heart tug a bit at the sight of his feeble, unmoving body. His emotions were trapped behind a cage, unwilling to release. Death didn't come as a surprise to him anymore; it was something he just needed to accept. All he could do was wonder why this always seemed to happen to him. What did he do to deserve this?

When you knelt down beside him that day, all the painful emotions unlocked. He dropped his head on your shoulder, allowing himself to be vulnerable around you, because that was when realized that holding it in was absolutely painful. The only person he could comfortably display these feelings to was you. You were his comfort - his solace.

That was why he couldn't bear to lose you.

He often wondered if he was too overbearing about that. Maybe he was. It distressed him whenever he saw that you weren't taking care of yourself. Once he understood the weight of his concern for you, he knew that nothing was ever going to stop him from making sure you were okay. He didn't want to imagine anything happening to you. You needed to be protected.

He refused to add your name to the list of deceased. He couldn't lose you. Not you too.

So then why were you currently slumped over on the ground with your eyes glued shut and blood seeping from your back? Why were your limbs sprawled awkwardly on the ground with your lips parted as if you had taken your last breath?