The Famous Idol (Lisrene)

"I Love You"

IRENE

Longing for someone is a beautiful reminder that our hearts have the capacity to love deeply and cherish the connections we make in life. It's a testament to the power of human emotion and the desire to share our lives with those who truly understand and uplift us. However, longing for someone you once loved and still love is a pain that sears through your very being, a constant ache in your heart that refuses to be ignored. That is how I felt everyday and I am not aware that moving on is a long process.

They said that moving on is a journey of healing and self-discovery. It's a testament to your strength and resilience, as you learn to rebuild your life with love and hope. But I refuse to believe all of that because everyday, it likes killing me. Everyday when I wake up, it's her that I first think, it's her that I first wanted to see and it's her that I wanted to be with.

I can't deny the fact that Lisa is my first love, my first heartbreak, and literally the first in everything. I don't really know when will I move on from this heartbreak especially if I can see her with someone else.

Seeing her happy and comfortable talking with Jennie makes my heart breaks. She seems so fine though, although I can see how her body became slimmer compared before.

"Let's go." I told Seulgi as soon as I saw Jennie and Lisa in cafè happily talking with each other. Seulgi looked at the direction where am I looking and she draws and smirk on on her face.

"What's that smirk?" I confusedly asked her but she just hold my hand and pull me with her.

"Just play along, unnie" she said while looking at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Smile unnie, and pretend that we're talking something. Pretend that you were enjoying our conversation. Trust me." She said that makes me frown but I obliged to follow.

Pretending is not an easy task if I am sitting across Lisa. Her eyes were glued on me, then to Seulgi. I feel somewhat uncomfortable with the situation, but thanks to Seulgi who keeps comforting me. This is the first time that I meet Lisa face to face eversince our break-up, and I admit, I did really miss her a lot.

However, seeing her being extra sweet to Jennie is not really a pleasant view so I excuse myself to breathe. But to my surprise, I saw Lisa on the reflection of the mirror. I thought I am dreaming but it looks like it doesn't especially when she suddenly pinned me to the wall. I lost my control on her sudden action. Despite the urge to free myself from her, I failed because she's strong enough to hold me.

I am on the verge of losing myself while she's near me and I can feel her hot breath, but I am still grateful that I'm able to stop myself from drowning again. I should applaud myself for that. We had a staring contest and her eyes screams different. She looks mad, frustrated, annoyed, I don't know how to put that in words.

Although I miss her and I still love her but I didn't let my own emotions to win. I need to fight it, I am scared on what will happen again. It's hard to move on and I don't want to start with the same pain again. It hurts, it really hurts that I lose my appetite to eat, It hurts that I am not able to sleep and wake up without crying, it hurts that I started losing my motivation to live. I am scared that I will feel the same again if I let Lisa enter my life again. The pain and the uncertainties is overpowering my emotions.

"Let's go." I pulled Seulgi away after walking out from Lisa. Although I hurt leaving her, I think this is the right thing to do. I love her, but that's not enough reason for me to drown myself from the same pain again. It's too much for me, and I'm still suffering from that heartbreak.

"I think, my plan succeeded." Seulgi said when we enter inside my car.

"What do you mean?"

"Oplan making Lisa jealous" she smirk that makes me raised my eyebrow.