✧ * 𝐒 𝐚 𝐟 𝐞 𝐚 𝐧 𝐝 𝐒 𝐨 𝐮 𝐧 𝐝 *✧

𝐘𝐨𝐮,𝐫𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐧 𝐈𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭

Rains POV:

The bright sun gently filters through the windows, casting a warm glow that caresses both the room and my eyelids. Slowly turning in Taylor's comforting embrace, I gradually open my eyes to find her sleeping besides me. In the comfort of the moment, I notice Taylor's protective arm holding me. It's like even in her sleep, she's protecting me. I find myself captivated by the subtle rise and fall of her breath. Clutching onto Taylor's reassuring arm, I shift slightly, allowing my gaze to linger on the familiar surroundings of her room. My attention is drawn to the nightstand, where my phone rests. I reach out and grab it. After rubbing my eyes to remove the remnants of sleep, I begin browsing through the notifications that accumulated overnight. Amidst the sea of updates, one alert captures my immediate attention, swiftly drawing me into its intriguing contents.

Harper❤️: You're making a fool of yourself.

What was she talking about? There are tons of messages and missed calls. Though the notifications lay bare before me, the realization dawned that it might be hard for her to believe that someone like Taylor could have been the one texting from my device; I mean if she told me that, I wouldn't believe it. A thought that should have crossed my mind earlier. This showed yet another reason why I should not have allowed her to write any messages to Harper using my phone.

As I look back at the text message she sent, my mind can't help but drift to the impact of her words from last night. They sinked deeply in me, causing me to wonder if there was truth in what she said. The thought of simply disappearing crosses my mind – would it even matter if I chose to leave? What if there was just no more? 

No more tears.

No more sharp bloody blades.

No more insecurities

No more sadness.

No more happiness.

No more life.

No more me.

Perhaps no one would truly take notice of it, except for Taylor, who I believe might pause for a moment. However, she is an international pop star; it is likely that she would swiftly move on to help another broken fan. I'm not the only one. I'm not special. In the grand scheme of things, I feel replaceable. So fucking replaceable.

It's so stupid and pathetic that a 34 year old woman is my best friend, and I'm 13. Im so fucking lonely I need to rely on a grown ass woman for my happiness.

 No, seriously. There is absolutely no purpose for me on this planet. And if Im not happy, and I dont make others happy. Why the fuck am I here. Im only making things worse by living. Breathing. I need an escape, from everythin. But I am physically and emotinally trapped. In my head. In my thoughts. In my depression. And physically in Taylors grasp.

I want to go home.

No.

I dont want to go home.

But I need to feel. 

I need a distraction. If I just let myself hurt, for 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10  slits in my skinny wrist. Nobody cares. Nobody knows. Nobody cares to know.

 "Rain?" Taylor's voice surprises me, pulling me away from the somber depths of my thoughts. Startled, I place my phone gently down and pivot in her embrace, meeting her gaze. Her smile, warm and inviting, contrasts with the heaviness weighing on my heart. Happiness feels distant, an elusive concept I struggle to grasp in the shadows of my mind.

"How did you sleep?" Her voice, soft like a whisper, nudges me to the present moment as she delicately tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. I draw in a breath, the warmth of her closeness soothing, and reply with a simple, "Good."Resting my head against Taylor's comforting chest, I close my eyes briefly, the quiet peace of the morning settling around us. My mind, however, is elsewhere.  Im leaving Taylor to go to dance at 11. Then I get home at 2. My family doesn't come till 4. I have some time to relief myself. Escape. I just can't go too deep. I dont have that much time to clean up that much blood. 

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Ok y'all wanted me to jump into it so that's what I'll do! Im still going to have some parts in between just in case I wanted to finish this section. But they will bes drafts so only visible to me.